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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meats in a European country between 1979 and 2004

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meats in a European country between 1979 and 2004
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The chart illustrates the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of different kinds of meats
such
Linking Words
 as chicken, beef, lamb, and
fish
Use synonyms
 in a European country from 1979 to 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, beef was the highest
number
Use synonyms
 in the beginning,
while
Linking Words
 the smallest
number
Use synonyms
 could be looked at
fish
Use synonyms
. Other meats showed different kinds of movement. Beef has 220
grains
Use synonyms
 per person per week which is the biggest, which
then
Linking Words
, dropped
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 less than 200
grains
Use synonyms
. After that, it kept decreasing until it touched
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 around 100. The
consumption
Use synonyms
 of chicken showed
sharply
Change the word
sharp
show examples
 changes from 148
grains
Use synonyms
 per person per week to a
number
Use synonyms
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 250
grains
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 1979,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 of chicken was similar to lamb which was more than 140
grains
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, lamb
Use synonyms
consumption's
Change noun form
consumption
show examples
 was rapidly decreasing to nearly in the same numbers of
fish
Use synonyms
 (about 50
grains
Use synonyms
).
In addition
Linking Words
,
a
Change the article
the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
fish
Use synonyms
 was slowly decreasing
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 less than 50
grains
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each year, it showed a little bit of
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, fish, number, grains with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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