IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
This
Correct pronoun usage
These
show examples
 line graphs illustrate the number of
store’s
Change noun form
store
show examples
 closings and openings in a certain country within
period
Add an article
a period
the period
show examples
 of time 2011 to 2018.
Overall
, both
closure
 and opening
shop
Change preposition
of shop
show examples
 lines showed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
decline
Change the verb form
declining
show examples
 trend in the mentioned period of time. Though in 2011 the opening shop was larger than the
closure
 one,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
 (2018) the
closure
 higher than the opening one. The opening new
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 number was likely higher (around 8,500) than the
closure
Fix the agreement mistake
number of closures
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
(around 6,300) in 2011.
Then
 it fell dramatically to 4,000 in the following year. After that, in the next two
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 it turned to rise and reached around 6,000, and a decrease happened in 2015.
Moreover
, it is seen that the line has steady numbers from 2016 to 2017
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 4,000.
Finally
, it suddenly plunged in 2018 to 3,000.
On the other hand
, though the line graph of the closed store started lower
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of time (2011), which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
showed around 6,300, first it went down slightly to 6,000 in 2012 and rose to 7,000
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 year. In 2015, it plunged dramatically to around 500 and turned upwards significantly and hit a number of 5,000 in 2016.
Lastly
, in the next two
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 it turned to rise and reached around 5,000.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words closure with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "plunged" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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