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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below give information on the ages of the population in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections in 2050.

The charts below give information on the ages of the population in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections in 2050.
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The data related to the age groups of the crowd in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy is demonstrated in the pie charts below, Over a 50-year span (2000-2050) comparing 2000 and foreseeable
population
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 in 2050. Considering
Use synonyms
Yemen
Change noun form
Yemen's
show examples
Population
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 pattern, the highest
population
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 proportion is related to
children
Use synonyms
 and teenagers with ages between 0-14 (50%),
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by
adults
Use synonyms
 between 15-59 years old, respectively in both 2000 and 2050. The most
population
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,
however
Linking Words
, is related to
adults
Use synonyms
 in 2050 (57%).
Additionally
Linking Words
, there will be a significant increase (11%) in the
population
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 of
adults
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 in 2050,
while
Linking Words
 the
children
Use synonyms
population
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 will experience a 13.1% decrease till 2050. And the number of elderly people
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 to change slightly with an increase of 2.1%. Turning to the information related to Italy, the highest amount of
population
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
 with 61.6%
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will decrease dramatically in 2050.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of old people would swell from 24.1 to 42.3%. It’s predicted that the
population
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 of
children
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 may decrease to 11.5% (from 14.3% in 2000).
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest proportion of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 is attributed to
adults
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 in both countries over the span, except for
Yemen
Use synonyms
 in 2000, which is the
children
Use synonyms
population
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the number of
children
Use synonyms
 in
Yemen
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 is significantly more than
Italy
Change preposition
in Italy
show examples
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 clearly demonstrates that
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
 rate is
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the death rate is
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 in Italy.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, population, children, adults with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age distribution
  • demographics
  • elderly population
  • workforce
  • dependency ratio
  • population projections
  • ageing society
  • youthful population
  • social services
  • health care burden
  • economic growth
  • fertility rate
  • life expectancy
  • pension system
  • immigration
  • sustainable development
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