IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many factory foods and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#factory #foods #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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A high
number
Use synonyms
 of
factory
Use synonyms
 products like
food
Use synonyms
 and drink
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 so much sugar which is harmful to
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 body. There is an argument that sugary
Use synonyms
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 should
be sell
Change the verb form
be sold
be selling
show examples
 pricy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that people will choose to consume home-made
food
Use synonyms
 as daily consumption and the
factory
Use synonyms
 will limit their production
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 sugary
Use synonyms
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 that sugary
Use synonyms
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 should
be sell
Change the verb form
be sold
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a high price. The main reason is decreasing the rate of obesity as one of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 human
killer
Fix the agreement mistake
killers
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 scheme will work well if the dietary habits expert
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 education about “The worst
food
Use synonyms
” and “How to be healthier” as a part of
this
Linking Words
 scheme.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 a special occasion, the government with their team could show
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
evidence of being obese,
then
Linking Words
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the customers of processed
food
Use synonyms
 will think twice when they are in the shopping mall where
factory
Use synonyms
 products are easily found. From that, people could start to prepare their daily
food
Use synonyms
 or even plant vegetables, fruits, and spices in the garden.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they could save the money a lot by cutting off the sugary
food
Use synonyms
 The second reason is that it is important to start producing healthy
Use synonyms
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 has
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 power to make strong
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 relating to sugary
Use synonyms
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
. They can limit the
number
Use synonyms
 of daily consumptions of soft
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
 and processed
food
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, there are only several
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
snacks
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be displayed in
convenience
Add an article
a convenience
the convenience
show examples
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
 and how many
litters
Correct your spelling
litres
show examples
 of soft
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
 and cola could be produced in the
factory
Use synonyms
 per day
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 That regulation can make the price of
factory
Use synonyms
 products to be higher because of the limited
number
Use synonyms
 of goods. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 is important to limit sugary
Use synonyms
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 in order to maintain human health and avoid a huge
number
Use synonyms
 of processed
Use synonyms
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 in
industry
Add an article
the industry
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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introduction
Your introduction should clearly rephrase the task question and offer a direct answer to the prompt. Aim to establish your position on the issue early and maintain that clarity throughout.
cohesion
As you transition from one paragraph to another, ensure you use a variety of linking phrases and cohesive devices to help your essay flow more naturally.
support
Develop your main points by providing detailed examples and explanations. Your arguments require further support and elaboration to be persuasive.
conclusion
Your conclusion should succinctly summarise the main points of your essay, clearly indicating your stance on the issue. Avoid introducing new ideas here.
task response
Aim to answer all parts of the task more thoroughly. Each point you make should clearly relate back to the prompt and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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