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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #government #expenditure #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts illustrate the local governmental distribution
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different categories of
expenses
Use synonyms
 in 2010 and 2015. In general, there are two pie charts, divided
in
Change the preposition
into
show examples
 nine various items of distributed
expenses
Use synonyms
 from the government, where four categories, namely Education, Healthcare, Pensions and Defense, have the largest
proportions
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
last
Linking Words
 three
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
items have the least one. Turning to the specifics, the
proportions
Use synonyms
 of the local government
expenses
Use synonyms
 in 2010 were the most significant for
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 types of expenditure. They were Education, Healthcare, Pensions and Defense with 24%, 21%, 19% and 17% respectively. Notably, these items of governmental funding
stayed
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 the biggest ones and they had
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar shares in 2015 with a bit different
proportions
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 were 21%, 20%, 19 % and 14%. As for the other two categories of
expenses
Use synonyms
, following
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the largest ones mentioned above in both years, Welfare and Interest on borrowing did not change their places, having a slight increase in the distribution of state money in 2015 in comparison to 2010 with 13% and 10%
Linking Words
accordingly
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
. The
last
Linking Words
 ones, Transport, Culture and leisure and
Other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 had a slight decrease in money distribution and stayed
also
Linking Words
 with the smallest
proportions
Use synonyms
 in 2015 with roughly the same percentage (1%).
Submitted by zavkidm on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenses, proportions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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