IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should attend extra classes after school while some disagree. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #classes #school #disagree
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Many people that most parents want to study their children at the extra
classes
 after studying at the school. In my point of view, I totally disagree with that statement. I will point out why I disagree in
this
 essay. I believe that
students
 attend more
classes
 after finish
lecture
Fix the agreement mistake
lectures
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school, they feel nervous and have less
time
 to do leisure activities
such
 as watching movies and playing games.
As a result
, they do not know what they are interested in.
Furthermore
, they are less involved in social activities.
For example
, numerous Korean
students
 do not have
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
time
 to take their food at a certain
time
 and others do not even have to sleep because of studying at the tuition. Parents should be more emphasize their children's health than education.
On the other hand
,
while
 schoolchildren
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 more
time
 for an education, they can become an expert in areas
such
 as physicians and a chemist.
Moreover
, they know the importance of
time
.
While
 they are learning at the tuition, they can know and emphasize which subjects they need to study a lot.
For instance
, most Asia
students
 do not know where they are weak and strong. So, they go to the tuition.
In Addition
, adults are comparing each other about their position, and
as a result
, they are studying hard and going to the extra
classes
.
Overall
, both points of view have a positive and negative impact. But, I thought, it had more negative effects. Not only the government but
also
 parents should manage taking extra
classes
 for the
students
. If the education system is enough to study in the school, schoolchildren do not need to attend overtime courses.
Submitted by thurasoe1992.ac on

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structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your stance clearly, while the conclusion should reaffirm your position and summarize the main points discussed.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to organize ideas coherently. Cohesive devices such as conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns can help link sentences and paragraphs smoothly, clarifying relationships between ideas.
conclusion
Concisely restate your position in the conclusion to reinforce your argument and ensure that the essay comes to a clear end, giving the reader a sense of closure.
task response
Address the task fully by discussing both views presented in the prompt and your own opinion. Ensure that each viewpoint is explored with relevant details before presenting your conclusion.
development
Develop main points with specific examples and explanations. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be supported with specific details to reinforce your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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