IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Films can have an effect on children's education and teach them many things. Do you think it is always a positive influence?

#films #effect #children #education #influence
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There are many films for children, some of them can be educational or just fun. I think that movies can have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect on children's education and teach them many
thinks
Correct your spelling
things
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, but I don't think that it has only
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 influence. In
this
essay
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essay,
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 I will discuss why I think so.
First
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The first
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 reason why I think so is addiction. It's easy for kids to be
addict
Wrong verb form
addicted
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for
Change preposition
to
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 something, and in that
case
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case,
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 when addiction is cartoons, kids forget about what they should do, it
also
interups from
Verb problem
includes
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 lessons or hanging with real people.
Secondly
, effect on kid's mental and physical health. By watching movies children can see actions which will make them think, that people are bad, etcetera, so it will
put
Verb problem
have
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 some bad impact on
its
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their
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 mental health and they will think that
everybode
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everybody
are
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is
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 awful.
In addition
, in films, there are a lot of dangerous scenes, which young people may want to repeat and it will put their health in danger.
To sum up
, I believe that movies have awesome things to teach to young
individuales
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individuals
,
however
, there are
also
 bad
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 which can be on these films.
Submitted by satkalialbina07 on

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introduction conclusion present
Consider adding a clear introduction and a conclusion that restates your position. Both were present but not effectively executed, lacking clarity in your thesis and final summary of the main points.
logical structure
Your essay requires a more logical structure. Organize your paragraphs and ideas more coherently and use linking words to connect them.
supported main points
Develop your main points with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. You've touched upon the ideas but haven't expanded on them sufficiently.
complete response
Your response only partially covers the prompt. You need to provide a more nuanced discussion that shows both positive and negative aspects of the influence of movies on children, as well as some possible solutions or recommendations.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Strive for greater clarity in your argumentation, avoiding overly broad or generalized statements.
relevant specific examples
Your essay lacks specific examples that are relevant to the argument, which affects its persuasiveness. Provide concrete instances or evidence to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • education
  • broaden
  • worldviews
  • diversity
  • moral lessons
  • development
  • behavior
  • documentaries
  • engaging
  • stereotypes
  • violence
  • detrimental
  • perceptions
  • excessive screen time
  • physical health
  • social skills
  • parental guidance
  • discern
  • fantasy
  • reality
What to do next:
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