Some people think the latest technology for home entertainment such as sophisticated TVs, high-speed internet connections and tablets are having a negative impact on people’s lives, especially young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Some people
argued
that the Wrong verb form
argue
technology
products at home for entertainment purposes have a significant drawback for teenagers
. I partly agree that the negative impact of technology
or electronic products on teenagers
would be a good idea or aspect.
On the one hand, in
my perspective, Change preposition
from
this
matter has numerous impacts on the health of the young generation. In this
day and age, teenagers
tend to spend all of their day sitting down and watching the screen. In the long run, this
situation can lead to a habit of sedentary lifestyles
, which is the cause of an overweight, sluggish body, and eyesores. Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
Moreover
, youngsters prefer watching TV all day to outdoor activities such
as hanging out with friends or exercising. A consequence of the loss of social skills can be seen in this
juvenile generation.
On the other hand
, there are several reasons to explain why technology
can facilitate human life in abundant aspects. One of them is the opportunity to approach international education and learn news from the internet. Taking a young tenneger
who studies English as an example, they can widen their horizons by taking advantage of watching English videos and programmes on Youtube channels Correct your spelling
teenager
such
as Discovery or Pop Kids.
In summary, it is clear that
parents' teenagers
need to be careful when their kids use technology
products for home entertainment. Because this
trend can have both negative and positive effects.Submitted by khanhlinh892002 on
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic, the points made could be developed further to fully address the question and present a clear, well-supported argument. Work on expanding upon your points to give a fuller response to the prompt, providing more in-depth discussion and analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a basic organizational structure, but transitions and logical connectors could be used more effectively to signal the relationships between ideas, improving the flow and understanding of your argument. Additionally, watch out for spelling mistakes, such as 'tenneger' instead of 'teenager', and grammatical errors, which can hinder understanding and affect your coherence and cohesion score.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite