Some people think the latest technology for home entertainment such as sophisticated TVs, high-speed internet connections and tablets are having a negative impact on people’s lives, especially young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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that the
technology
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products at home for entertainment purposes have a significant drawback for
teenagers
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. I partly agree that the negative impact of
technology
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or electronic products on
teenagers
Use synonyms
would be a good idea or aspect. On the one hand,
in
Change preposition
from
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my perspective,
this
Linking Words
matter has numerous impacts on the health of the young generation. In
this
Linking Words
day and age,
teenagers
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tend to spend all of their day sitting down and watching the screen. In the long run,
this
Linking Words
situation can lead to a habit of sedentary
lifestyles
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
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, which is the cause of an overweight, sluggish body, and eyesores.
Moreover
Linking Words
, youngsters prefer watching TV all day to outdoor activities
such
Linking Words
as hanging out with friends or exercising. A consequence of the loss of social skills can be seen in
this
Linking Words
juvenile generation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several reasons to explain why
technology
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can facilitate human life in abundant aspects. One of them is the opportunity to approach international education and learn news from the internet. Taking a young
tenneger
Correct your spelling
teenager
who studies English as an example, they can widen their horizons by taking advantage of watching English videos and programmes on Youtube channels
such
Linking Words
as Discovery or Pop Kids. In summary,
it is clear that
Linking Words
parents'
teenagers
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need to be careful when their kids use
technology
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products for home entertainment. Because
this
Linking Words
trend can have both negative and positive effects.
Submitted by khanhlinh892002 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic, the points made could be developed further to fully address the question and present a clear, well-supported argument. Work on expanding upon your points to give a fuller response to the prompt, providing more in-depth discussion and analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a basic organizational structure, but transitions and logical connectors could be used more effectively to signal the relationships between ideas, improving the flow and understanding of your argument. Additionally, watch out for spelling mistakes, such as 'tenneger' instead of 'teenager', and grammatical errors, which can hinder understanding and affect your coherence and cohesion score.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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