Some people participate in extra‐curricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience. Others simply focus on their goals such as academic studies or work. Which do you think helps in improving a person’s knowledge and experience and why?
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Nowadays, every field has huge competition and requires high academic
knowledge
and experience
. Some individuals are inclined towards extra-curricular activities
to gain
more knowledge
and experience
whereas
, others advocate concentrating only on academic education
or work. This
essay will discuss both views and as per my opinion is concerned, I believe both are equally important.
On the one hand, participating in additional activities
is highly advantageous in terms of gaining more knowledge
and experience
. There is no better way compared to do practical work to gain
exposure and in-depth understanding. For instance
, a student volunteering in an NGO to maintain their accounts for someone and at the same time learning accounting in school or university will have in-depth practical knowledge
. Additionally
, while
spending valuable time on volunteering or extra-curricular activities
you learn many different skills like management, planning, authorizing etc. This
has been seen that people participating such
additional jobs Change preposition
in such
gain
more confidence in addition
to academics and one should not only be a bookworm.
On the other hand
, it is essential to participate in various events but still one should consider education
as the prime source of knowledge
. The country is considered as the most educated country which has the maximum literacy rate, which means education
is highly important and each student should be focused on it to gain
their goals. For example
, an illiterate person can not work at the top positions of any private or government jobs. They should complete their studies with distinction and achieve their target with excellence. Therefore
, it is clear that
education
is the prime source and should be the first target for everyone.
To conclude
, I would like to assert that, academic education
is most important to attain your primary studies and participating in extra-curricular activities
also
adds value to your knowledge
and experience
. Hence
I believe both are necessary to compete in today's competitive world.Submitted by hiteshpaul on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs, including an introduction and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific examples. Your essay mentions some examples, but providing more detailed and varied examples would strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the prompt. While you have provided an overview of both perspectives, the connection between each and the improvement of a person's knowledge and experience could be more explicit.
task achievement
Develop your ideas comprehensively but concisely. Aim for clarity and depth in each point you make, avoiding generalisations.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to illustrate your points. These help to demonstrate a concrete understanding of the topic and make your essay more persuasive.