IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people participate in extra‐curricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience. Others simply focus on their goals such as academic studies or work. Which do you think helps in improving a person’s knowledge and experience and why?

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Nowadays, every field has huge competition and requires high academic
knowledge
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 and
experience
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. Some individuals are inclined towards extra-curricular
activities
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 to
gain
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 more
knowledge
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 and
experience
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whereas
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, others advocate concentrating only on academic
education
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 or work.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and as per my opinion is concerned, I believe both are equally important. On the one hand, participating in additional
activities
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 is highly advantageous in terms of gaining more
knowledge
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 and
experience
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. There is no better way compared to do practical work to
gain
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 exposure and in-depth understanding.
For instance
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, a student volunteering in an NGO to maintain their accounts for someone and at the same time learning accounting in school or university will have in-depth practical
knowledge
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.
Additionally
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,
while
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 spending valuable time on volunteering or extra-curricular
activities
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 you learn many different skills like management, planning, authorizing etc.
This
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 has been seen that people participating
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such
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in such
show examples
 additional jobs
gain
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 more confidence
in addition
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 to academics and one should not only be a bookworm.
On the other hand
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, it is essential to participate in various events but still one should consider
education
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 as the prime source of
knowledge
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. The country is considered as the most educated country which has the maximum literacy rate, which means
education
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 is highly important and each student should be focused on it to
gain
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 their goals.
For example
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, an illiterate person can not work at the top positions of any private or government jobs. They should complete their studies with distinction and achieve their target with excellence.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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education
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 is the prime source and should be the first target for everyone.
To conclude
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, I would like to assert that, academic
education
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 is most important to attain your primary studies and participating in extra-curricular
activities
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also
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 adds value to your
knowledge
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 and
experience
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.
Hence
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 I believe both are necessary to compete in today's competitive world.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs, including an introduction and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific examples. Your essay mentions some examples, but providing more detailed and varied examples would strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the prompt. While you have provided an overview of both perspectives, the connection between each and the improvement of a person's knowledge and experience could be more explicit.
task achievement
Develop your ideas comprehensively but concisely. Aim for clarity and depth in each point you make, avoiding generalisations.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to illustrate your points. These help to demonstrate a concrete understanding of the topic and make your essay more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal growth
  • well-rounded
  • teamwork
  • time management
  • empathy
  • social awareness
  • specialization
  • expertise
  • measurable
  • academic achievements
  • passion
  • career paths
  • synergy
  • creative problem-solving
  • community service
  • real-world challenges
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