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Band 4.5

The crime rate amoung teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

#crime #rate #amoung #teenagers #countries
In the 20's
generation
Add a comma
generation,
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 there has been a great increase in crime among teenagers in schools and
also
 public places which is important to look deep into
this
 matter. Usually, children go through
this
 situation is most likely because of family issues or bullying. Which affects the child's mentality. Especially when there is violence between parents
therefore
 it leads to divorce in most cases. Nowadays most families go through divorce cases and that leads a single parent to raise a child as there is no proper guidance. Especially when there is a lack of attention shown toward the child. They get into things
for example
 drugs, crime where they find entertainment by doing. I can say that we can avoid these types of situations and these types of things. There are lots of ways to solve these problems. As
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 said above, family problems between parents
is
Change the verb form
are
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 one of the main problems for
this
. So parents should stop fighting with their partners and
also
 the main thing is there are any kids in front of them if something happens, they need to avoid their kids from it.
On the other hand
, there are few options to solve
this
 other problem, which is the 2nd problem
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 talked about. So to avoid that problem,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should bring a rule which is,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 age limit to purchasing guns, knives, etc from the shops.
Then
 teenagers cannot buy any weapons or things that are dangerous to everyone.
In contrast
, I can say that we need to avoid
this
 situation which is really bad.
Submitted by shevonsavidhu14 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clear, logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and transition smoothly into the next. Consider using a variety of cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases.
task achievement
You need to fully address the task by discussing possible reasons for the increase in teenage crime and suggesting clear, developed solutions. Ensure you explain your ideas thoroughly and expand on them with explanations or examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Dramatically
  • Parental supervision
  • Peer pressure
  • Economic inequality
  • Desensitize
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Disenfranchisement
  • Substance abuse
  • Gang culture
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