A magazine asked its readers to send in stories about a time they had a problem when travelling. Write about a journey where you had a problem to send to the magazine
During the term break, when I was studying
Bachelor
Degree Change noun form
Bachelor's
in
University, my Change preposition
at
friends
from the faculty of Architecture and I decided to go to Phu Kradueng for the first time
. It was the
sudden decision to participate Correct article usage
a
the
group since I heard that it Change preposition
in the
is
the place where I would go once in a lifetime. Phu Kradueng is very Wrong verb form
was
welknown
Correct your spelling
well known
well-known
by
Change preposition
for
the
stunning sceneries Change the word
its
amongst
Change preposition
among
the
teenagers and university students.
I heard only the positive parts of the place before I Correct article usage
apply
arrive
there. Wrong verb form
arrived
However
, I did
not aware Verb problem
was
how
difficult to walk up Change preposition
of how
to
the steep Change preposition
apply
hill
for many hours. Along the walk way
up to the top of the mountain, there are many resting spots. I felt that I could not reach the top evenCorrect your spelling
walkway
I
just walked in the first hour. If I was alone at that Correct word choice
though I
time
, I was sure that I would decide to walk back down the hill
. Luckily, we hired staffs
to carry all of my personal Fix the agreement mistake
staff
stuffs
up there. Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
Finally
, I was
reluctantly made it. Unnecessary verb
apply
Nevertheless
, it did not mean the walking was over. All of
the duration in Phu Kradueng, we walked for at least 15 km each day to see sunrise, sunset, and Correct determiner usage
Of
also
many checkpoints. Other than that, another tough part of the journey was bathing since the weather there was super cold. I heard some of my friends
screamed
when they took a shower. Of course, there was no warm water available.
Wrong verb form
scream
At the end
of the trip, I thought walking down the hill
would be a lot easier. It was actually not exhausted
as Verb problem
apply
same
as the way uphill, but it was not Correct word choice
exhausting
easy
as I expected. Since the Rephrase
as easy
hill
was so steep, I was walking like running which was hard to stop myself in some spots. I pained my legs and also
my toes so much. I remember the moment our feet touched the beginning spot once again; we all landed on the floor and asked each other if anyone want
to go up there again for the second Wrong verb form
wanted
time
?
Change the punctuation
.
Then
we all laughed with no answer but we definitely knew the answer so well.
Although
the journey was hard, but
it brought me Remove the conjunction
apply
a
plenty of good experiences and unforgettable memories with Remove the article
apply
friends
. The best thing I got is the relationship when we helped and held each other until we finally
completed the travelling. I heard someone says
that the most important part of the travel is not the destination, but the precious Correct subject-verb agreement
say
time
spending
together during the journey. I totally agree with that. It is worth going Wrong verb form
spent
Change preposition
on the
the
adventure with wonderful Correct article usage
an
friends
sometimes.Submitted by sasi.jariyasirikul on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
structure
Make sure you provide a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should set the stage for the story and your conclusion should reflect on the experience or provide a resolution.
cohesion
Organize ideas logically and use a range of cohesive devices appropriately. Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs for better flow.
task response
Be explicit and clear in your response to the task. Provide comprehensive and clear ideas in relation to the prompt, ensuring that each part of the task is addressed.
grammar
Avoid mixing tenses unnecessarily and maintain consistencies in your recount of the events.
content
Provide relevant, specific examples to support each point you make. Use these examples to help the reader understand and visualize your experience better.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example