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Band 1

Many countries spend large amounts of money on world sporting events such as the Olympic Games and football World Cup. Instead these monies can be spent on encouraging young children to take up sports at a young age. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #amounts #money #world #events #olympic #games #football #cup #monies #children #sports #age
In the present world,
number
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a number
the number
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 of nations host different types of global
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 which which cost a high amount of money.Some think that
country
Correct article usage
the country
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 has to support children first to be
attractive
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attracted
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 to
sport
 .From my perspective,
i
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I
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 disagree with
this
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 and in
this
essay
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essay,
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i
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I
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 will clarify my opinion.
firstly
,world
sport
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sports
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 events might have a
larg
Correct your spelling
large
 impact
in
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on
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 developing the
economy
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economic
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 sector in the
country
.
Furthermore
,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
tourism
turism
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tourism
 when people from different places come to be a part
in
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of
show examples
 that event as
Correct your spelling
a result
aresult
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a result
 that can show
denamic
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dynamic
 increasing in different
sector
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sectors
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for example
 hotels ,
resturents
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restaurants
 and market shopping all that will In conclusion,for the diverse reasons
mentiond
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mentioned
a bove
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above
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,
i
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I
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gree to spend money on
sorpt
Correct your spelling
sort
 event which has a great impact
in
Change preposition
on
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 developing the
country
 from all sides.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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country
Change noun form
country's
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 government can
palance
Correct your spelling
balance
 between
eccouraging childern
Correct your spelling
encouraging children
 to
sport
Add an article
the sport
show examples
 .
Submitted by nooraalmalki1993 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, with ideas presented in a disjointed manner. The introduction and conclusion are present but are not effectively stated. Additionally, main points need to be supported with more specific details and evidence to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt, but the response is incomplete and the ideas are not developed comprehensively. The writer does not clearly agree or disagree with the statement, as the conclusion seems to contradict the introduction. To improve, ensure that your position on the statement is consistent throughout the essay and that your ideas are fully developed and supported with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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