some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides ans give your own opinion.
Part of the world believes that earning from foreigners who were visiting their
countries
can be harmful to the cultural aspect of that
Correct determiner usage
those
countries
while
others think that can be the one right path to save the culture
. I also
agree with the fact that tourists can be benefitial
to keeping the cultural side of a Correct your spelling
beneficial
country
safe.
Generally, some people think that tourists can affect their traditions because their cultures are are
vary from Remove the redundancy
apply
country
to country
. So, some citizens tend to wrap up foreign cultures without thinking about their traditional ways. As a Srilankan, in my country
most citizens don't even pay attention Add a comma
country,
on
native products. Change preposition
to
Moreover
, some of them even forgetting
their mother Wrong verb form
forget
toungue
. Correct your spelling
tongue
For instance
, as a srilankan so many srilankans like to wear foreign clothes more than hand made
srilankan clothes.
Correct your spelling
handmade
Nevertheless
, tourists give more value on
traditional things Change preposition
to
more
than natives. Many foreigners give their whole respect to other Correct quantifier usage
apply
tradtions
. Correct your spelling
traditions
Also
, most of them even spend lot
of money on buying cultural gifts. Change the article
a lot
Furthermore
, tourism
industry is one of the vital incoming Add an article
the tourism
method
of many Change to a plural noun
methods
countries
. For example
, In Srilanka
we earn more than half of Correct your spelling
in Sri Lanka,
their
income from Correct pronoun usage
our
tourism
industry. The important point is that visitors from another Add an article
the tourism
country
always give their intrest
on the Correct your spelling
interest
culture
of a
Change the article
an
other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
country
. Because of that, many people keep their cultural things safe to show them. From this
actual culture
of a country
can be protected without a dout
.
In a nutshell, It is true that some traditions can be affected through mixing cultures. Even so, today tourism plays a vital part in saving Correct your spelling
doubt
culture
. Likewise
, it is becoming the main income method of many countries
to save their culutres
.Correct your spelling
cultures
culture
Submitted by darshanadnj20 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clear and distinct introduction and conclusion. The introduction should outline the topic and briefly summarize the main points that will be discussed. The conclusion should recap the discussion and clearly state your position. This could help to improve the overall structure and presentation of your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph has one main idea and that the paragraphs are arranged in a logical order. Transition words can help to link your ideas smoothly, ensuring the reader can follow the progression of your argument without difficulty.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task sufficiently by discussing both sides and providing your opinion, try to be more comprehensive in your approach. Expand on your ideas by explaining them more thoroughly and make your personal stance more pronounced throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your main points. Your arguments would be more persuasive and grounded if you provide empirical evidence, case studies, or statistics. Also, ensure the examples are directly relevant to the point you are trying to make.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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