IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #time #hobbies #case #effect #society
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The
decline
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 in the amount of
time
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people
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 dedicate to
hobbies
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 in contemporary society can be attributed to various factors.
This
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 shift has repercussions both at the individual and societal levels. One primary reason for the dwindling interest in
hobbies
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 is the fast-paced nature of modern life. With hectic work schedules, demanding academic pursuits, and the pervasive influence of technology,
individuals
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 find themselves engrossed in daily responsibilities, leaving little
time
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 for leisure activities. The pervasive use of smartphones and social media,
in particular
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, has created a constant stream of information and entertainment, making it challenging for
people
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 to detach and engage in
hobbies
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 that require
time
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 and focus. The impact on
individuals
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 is notable.
Hobbies
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, whether it's reading, painting, playing a musical instrument, or gardening, provide a crucial outlet for stress relief and creative expression. They contribute to personal well-being by offering a break from routine tasks and allowing
individuals
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 to explore their passions. As
people
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 devote less
time
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 to
hobbies
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, there is a risk of increased stress, burnout, and a
decline
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 in
overall
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 mental health.
Moreover
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, the
decline
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 in the pursuit of
hobbies
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 has societal implications.
Hobbies
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 foster a sense of
community
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 and shared interests. When
individuals
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 actively engage in leisure activities, they often join clubs or groups
centered
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centred
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 around those
hobbies
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.
This
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 social aspect strengthens
community
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 bonds, promotes interpersonal relationships, and contributes to the
overall
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 social fabric. With fewer
people
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 participating in
hobbies
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, there is a potential loss of
community
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 engagement, leading to a more isolated and disconnected society. In my own experience, I have observed friends and colleagues gradually abandoning their
hobbies
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due to
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 work pressures and the constant demands of digital connectivity.
This
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 shift has, in turn, affected their mood, job satisfaction, and
overall
Linking Words
 quality of life. In conclusion, the
decline
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 in the dedication of
time
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 to
hobbies
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 can be attributed to the fast-paced nature of modern life and the pervasive influence of technology.
This
Linking Words
 trend negatively impacts
individuals
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 by diminishing opportunities for stress relief and creative expression. Societally, the diminishing interest in
hobbies
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 may lead to weakened
community
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 bonds and a more isolated populace. Encouraging
individuals
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 to prioritize and allocate
time
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 for leisure activities is crucial for both personal well-being and the health of society as a whole.
Submitted by dytayseozgul on

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logical structure
Make sure to include a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to structure your essay effectively. Each paragraph should present and develop a single clear idea.
greeting and closing
The lack of greeting and closing is appropriate in this context, as the IELTS essay format does not require them.
task achievement
The task response is good. You have addressed the prompt comprehensively, and the tone is suitable for the essay.
coherence cohesion
For coherence, ensure clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Transition smoothly from one paragraph to the next with appropriate linking phrases.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
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