It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Governments have no obligation to provide this benefit. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

Saving for retirement purposes is an individual's responsibility, not the government's. I firmly agree that people should take care of their financial abilities by working hard, but the authority
also
plays a role in providing jobs. Every adult has worked hard since they were young to gain a prosperous life at their sunset age.
However
, saving is not simply putting their salary in the bank; they should manage it properly.
For example
, when a young man works for a small company with low pay, he needs to save a lot of money.
This
conventional way makes it hard to reach prosperity later, but it is possible when he has the ability to develop the money by opening a small business,
for example
.
However
, the poor welfare of elderly people is caused by a lack of job opportunities and a low salary,
while
they have expensive costs. In terms of that, the authority has a part-time responsibility to provide more job chances and handle the bubble price of accommodations.
Besides
, the new rule that every person should have insurance is
also
applied as soon as possible to prevent the carelessness of young men regarding managing their financials. In conclusion, either working hard or having the skill of financial management at a young age is vital for people when they want a safe life in the future.
However
, the government
also
contributes to their welfare by providing more job opportunities. To suggest, involving financial management in the elementary school curriculum is the best strategic way to help them.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, you should ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay. Your introduction should explicitly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement, rather than suggesting that both individuals and governments have roles to play. This will improve the clarity of your argument.
coherence & cohesion
Your essay could be improved by creating more cohesiveness between paragraphs and better-developed arguments. Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of the text, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is linked back to the central argument of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: