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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many elderly people are no long er looked after by their families but are put in care home or nursing home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend

#people #families #care #home #trend
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The older generations play a crucial role in an individual family.
However
, a large number of old folks are in nursing
homes
instead
 of their own houses with family members. There are some
benefits
 and drawbacks to elderly
people
 living in
care
homes
.
This
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. To commence with, there are multifarious advantages of the older generation living in nursing
homes
. One of the predominant
benefits
 is some diseases need to be properly maintained regular basis and elder
people
 can
affect
Verb problem
be
show examples
 disease easily
due to
 their age stage
while
 nursing
homes
 properly
care
them
Change preposition
for them
show examples
. Another advantage is
people
 are busy, to clarify, in
this
 modern era, individuals run to earn
money
 and travel to other nations
while
 they do not have
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
time to look after their parents in their old age,
therefore
, they send
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their parents into nursing
homes
.
For example
, Australians send their parents to
care
homes
 when they are getting old because they are busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 work life. Ergo, elder
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
being in a nursery home brings some
benefits
. Despite these advantages, there are some drawbacks. One of the
predinent
Correct your spelling
preeminent
prominent
 demerits is the older generation will be affected mentally because they like to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live with their children and grandchildren rather than staying alone and facing
mental
Add an article
a mental
show examples
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 like loneliness, anxiety and depression. Another demerit is the authorities should allocate more
money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the elderly
people
's
caretaker
Fix the agreement mistake
caretakers
show examples
.
For instance
, Australia spends a huge amount of
money
 to
care
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the older generation than other sectors. These are the disadvantages of the elderly population living in nursery
homes
.
To conclude
, living in a nursing home has some
benefits
 for older
people
's health should be maintained properly even if their children
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
show examples
 with work life. They can affect mentally and they
wondering
Wrong verb form
wonder if
show examples
 the family lives
along with
 the ruling party have to spend a huge
money
 for caring the old folks
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
 of
this
 trend.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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