In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and families. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In
this
day and age, it is a common belief that the tendency to leave their relatives to go to more developed places to work
is increasing. Some people believe that this
is a good way to help them have a better life. However
, I firmly believe this
could bring some inconvenience to them. I will shed light on my opinion in the following eassay
.
On the one hand, It cannot be denied that moving to a more developed place to Correct your spelling
essay
work
has brought certain benefits. First,
this
opens up new career opportunities, which can increase career growth and income. For example
, people in less developed countries often migrate to more developed countries to escape poverty. In addition
, moving to a new place provides opportunities to build new networks and expand social connections. Besides
, living in a new place can bring unique cultural experiences, helping to expand your horizons and understanding of the world.
On the other hand
, Besides
the positive benefits, it also
has some negative effects. First,
Loneliness and homesickness can be a difficult aspect, especially when it comes to new challenges one faces. Furthermore
, adapting to new environments, new cultures and new lives can be challenging and requires some time to get used to. Moreover
, mental health problems such
as stress, anxiety and depression can arise when living away from relatives and familiar environments.
To sum up
, Although
the tendency to leave relatives to work
elsewhere
has certain advantages, it can also
bring disadvantages to workers. People should work
in the neighborhood
to easily balance family and Change the spelling
neighbourhood
work
.Submitted by quynhtranhbh on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
To improve on Task Achievement, expand your main points with more specific examples and a wider range of considerations. The essay currently shows a reasonable response but could provide clearer examples and further exploration to fully address all parts of the question, which asks you to discuss if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has an average structure but lacks clear topic sentences and logical progression between ideas. Use clear paragraphs with topic sentences that signal what each paragraph will discuss. This will help to guide the reader through your response in a logical way.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support main points with specific, detailed examples. Your essay provides general ideas, but to score higher, you need to refer to more concrete examples and evidence that illustrate your points effectively. This will also aid in the flow and coherence of your writing.
