IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Traffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their to the countryside do you agree or disagree.

#traffic #companies #factories #countryside
There is a paradigm that superseding massive business sites from the downtowns into the rural areas could diminish traffic and housing issues. I strongly argue with the proposed notion. In the following paragraphs, I will elucidate comprehensively
about
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apply
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my
consideration
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considerations
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.
To begin
 with, many heavy vehicles from the manufacturers always utilize the constructed roads.
As a consequence
of
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, there are always crowded streets phenomena, particularly every rush
hours
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hour
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. By replacing
construction
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the construction
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 of manufacturers
ro
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to
 the countryside, those mobile properties do not have to pass the highways.
Consequently
, the ratio of the traffic problems could be ceased gradually.
For example
, the governments of Indonesia regulate that the factories should be constructed in non-metropolitan locations. Obviously, their
transportations
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transportation
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do
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does
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 not require to use
city
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of city
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 streets. Turning to the second point,
by
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building companies in the outer zone of
city
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the city
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,
it
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apply
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could distribute
population
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the population
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 equally. For the impact,
local
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the local
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 economy could be boosted. It could be understood in view of every business
locations
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location
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 would influence numerous people to live near
to
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apply
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the domains. Clearly, if the populated districts
should be
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were
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 placed by numerous corporations, it would increase the price of accommodation which would be felt by multitudinous citizens.
For example
, after massive transmigration, Java island faced stabil the ratio of
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the house
a house
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house
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houses
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 in
1990s
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the 1990s
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. In conclusion, crowded roads and accommodation phenomena could be resolved by regulating that the non-city regions could be constructed for the elephantine factories. It could happen
due to
 their mobile
transportations
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transportation
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 could not utilize the main highways and a condition
such
 as non-populated areas could decrease the price of settlements.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay could improve with a more clear and structured introduction that presents the arguments you plan to discuss. The conclusion ties in the main idea, but ensure you revisit the strongest arguments to solidify your position.
logical structure
Work on the logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea with sentences that support it. Transition signals could be used more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
supported main points
Ensure each main point is adequately supported with clear and specific examples, data or quotes that are directly relevant to the argument being made. Avoid vague statements that offer little in the way of proof.
complete response
Fully develop your response to the task by not only agreeing or disagreeing but also exploring the reasons behind your perspective comprehensively. Ensure that all segments of the question are addressed.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas can be more clearly expressed. This means avoiding overly complex or confusing sentence constructions and ensuring that each paragraph progresses logically from the previous one.
relevant specific examples
Provide a wider range of relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. This may include statistics, studies, or anecdotal evidence that directly relate to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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