Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, government should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?
In
this
era, most of
people have seen Change preposition
apply
art
like painting and music
do not relate to the improvement of quality of life. As a result
, this
leads to a
opinion that authorities Change the article
an
does
not need to spend too much money on Change the verb form
do
art
projects. This
essay will argue the opposite of that opinion since art
has its own advantages for human's
creativity and Change noun form
human
heal
.
Change the form of the verb
healing
Due to
the
modern research, doing Correct article usage
apply
activity
that relate to Fix the agreement mistake
activities
art
has been believed as
Change preposition
to
enhancer
Replace the word
enhance
human's
ability and Change noun form
human
intellegence
in Correct your spelling
intelligence
creative
way. Change the article
a creative
Moreover
, most of school
has a course for playing Add an article
the school
music
and creating an
Remove the article
apply
art
for their students now.
Another reason is the function of art
itself which is as a heal for human
. Fix the agreement mistake
humans
For instance
, people possibly reduce their stress and anxiety by listen
Change the verb form
listening
on
Change preposition
to
music
. In addition
, drawing also
one of the best Add a missing verb
is also
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
that
suggested by Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
psychology to their patient to heal their self. Correct article usage
apply
This
can strongly happen because
In conclusion, instead
of not directly improve
Wrong verb form
improving
quality
Add an article
the quality
life
of people, both of paint and Change preposition
of life
music
are
give Unnecessary verb
apply
a goods
for Correct the article-noun agreement
goods
a good
human's
life Change noun form
human
such
as creative skills and peace for human's mental
. Replace the word
mind
Therefore
, government
strictly need to more focus on Add an article
the government
art
world.Add an article
the art
Submitted by joyapakpahan on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an attempt at a logical structure, however, arguments lack clarity and are not effectively sequenced. It is important to create well-organized paragraphs, each with a clear main idea that is expanded with coherent supporting sentences and examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but not fully developed. Try to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and succinctly restate your main points in the conclusion. This strengthens the overall argument and provides a satisfying closure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Some main points are mentioned, such as art enhancing creativity and serving as a healing tool, but they require more depth and detail. Use specific examples and explanations to support your ideas thoroughly.
task achievement
The response addresses the task only partially. You present a one-sided argument without fully developing your opinion or considering the opposite viewpoint. For a more complete response, explore the implications or counterarguments related to the prompt and ensure that your essay consistently reflects your viewpoint.
task achievement
While you have presented some clear ideas, they need to be further elaborated to be comprehensive. Think about how you can explain the significance of your points and their impact in greater detail to enhance the quality of your essay.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific examples to effectively justify the claims made. Use real-world examples, statistics, or studies to provide evidence for your arguments. This makes your essay more persuasive and impactful.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.