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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart below gives information about the percentage of female members of parliament in European countries (2000 – 2012)

The line chart below gives information about the percentage of female members of parliament in European countries (2000 – 2012)
#line #information #percentage #members #parliament #european #countries
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The graph shows
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the
pecentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of female members of parliament in several countries in Europe from 2000 to 2012. The countries that
show
Wrong verb form
are shown
show examples
 in
line
Correct article usage
the line
show examples
 chart are
Germany
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, Italy, France,
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and
Belgium
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of female members of
Use synonyms
parliement
Correct your spelling
parliament
 in
Germany
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, Italy, France,
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, and
Belgium
Use synonyms
 went up with various trends. the highest increase was
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 was
UK
Use synonyms
 female
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
parliament
Change preposition
in parliament
show examples
 with up to 15%
increasement
Correct your spelling
increase
. In the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
, The highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
percentage
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 was
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Germany
Change preposition
in Germany
show examples
 with over 30%
while
Linking Words
 Italy was the second place
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 under 30%. yet the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
Germany
Correct your spelling
German
show examples
 female
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
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parliement
Correct your spelling
parliament
 relatively stable.
In contrast
Linking Words
 with Italy, there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 abruptly rose in 2012 and made Italy the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of female
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parliement
Correct your spelling
parliament
. There is no change
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
France
Change noun form
France's
show examples
 position, in 2000 the
percentage
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 25%
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 in 2012
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 over 30%. The
percentage
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 of
UK
Use synonyms
 and
Belgium
Use synonyms
 female
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parliement
Correct your spelling
parliament
 started
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difference
percentage
Use synonyms
, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Belgium
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 is higher
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, but in 2012 both of them had
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 position.
Submitted by Qia on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words germany, uk, belgium, percentage, parliement with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 9 times.
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