IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#years #shops #customers #travel #centers #malls #development
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Shopping
Correct article usage
The shopping
show examples
 preferences of
people
Use synonyms
 have changed considerably over the years. Large shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 have made their way into modern society
thus
Linking Words
 eliminating local shops from the market. I believe the impact of
this
Linking Words
 establishment is positive because of the numerous advantages
Correct pronoun usage
that accompanied
show examples
accompanied
Wrong verb form
accompany
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it. In recent times, shopping complexes have attracted a large number of
people
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in the cities. They have become a
one stop
Add a hyphen
one-stop
show examples
 shop to purchase various regular and luxurious items. They offer clothing, electronic appliances, personal care items and many more.
Besides
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 house food courts which offer a variety of food options. Some
malls
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have gaming zones where kids and adults
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 spend time together playing interesting games.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is
parking
Add an article
a parking
show examples
 facility in
malls
Use synonyms
 which ensures
security
Add an article
the security
show examples
 of the vehicles of visitors. Ezoic
However
Linking Words
, shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 have been the reason behind
shutting
Correct article usage
the shutting
show examples
 down of many local shops.
Although
Linking Words
, we can still see some stores selling their own products, most of them have moved on. Many of these local store owners have taken over the space available in
malls
Use synonyms
 to market their products where sales are relatively high
due to
Linking Words
 the presence of
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 proportion of consumers.
This
Linking Words
 in turn created employment opportunities for many
people
Use synonyms
 who wish to work in sales and managing stores. Housing local and branded products
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one place allows
people
Use synonyms
 to explore both kinds without having to move from one place to another.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the shopping tendencies of
people
Use synonyms
 lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
sustainable development by influencing the movement of local stores to
malls
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 has made shopping convenient for an average citizen and I believe
this
Linking Words
 to be a positive establishment.
Submitted by shevonsavidhu14 on

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Task Response
Ensure that your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. There's a sense of an opinion, but it needs to be more explicitly stated with a direct thesis statement.
Task Response
Develop your main ideas with a deeper analysis and more detailed examples. The response contains general statements, but to achieve a higher score, each point could be further elaborated.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas logically, using a range of cohesive devices effectively. While the essay has some structural elements in place, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the overall logical flow could be improved for better understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic. The introduction and conclusion are somewhat effective, but they could be more impactful with a stronger paraphrase of the question and a definitive summarizing statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • community character
  • specialized products
  • homogenized
  • local economy
  • circulating
  • variety
  • convenient
  • social hubs
  • infrastructure
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • energy consumption
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