In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?
In the
last
few years, many small neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
stores
have experienced bankruptcy as a result
of customers preferring to shop at large shopping centers
. In my opinion, Change the spelling
centres
this
should be seen as a negative development because it harms retail wages as well as
the environment.
Big-box stores
lower workers
' wages. One reason why retail giants such
as Target and Walmart frequently put mom-and-pop stores
out of business is that they sell the same products at much lower prices. They are able to do this
partly because they pay their workers
as little as possible. For example
, the average wage for Walmart workers
in the US in 2022 was only $13 per hour. Many low-skilled workers
have no choice but to take these jobs because the local businesses which offered
higher pay have closed their doors and big-box retailers are the only major employers in the area.
Wrong verb form
offer
Additionally
, shopping at large malls directly hurts the environment. When small, local businesses lined the streets, residents could simply walk to stores
to do their shopping, which is an eco-friendly way of travel. Contrarily, shoppers must now drive to large chain stores
. If one looks at the extensive parking lots of these stores
, one will know the number of private cars they attract. This
is detrimental to the environment since private vehicles have a very high rate of carbon emissions per-capita
.
In conclusion, large retail chains replacing small, local businesses is a negative trend. Not only do they provide unlivable wages to employeesCorrect your spelling
per capita
,
these big retailers Add the word(s)
, but
also
contribute to environmental pollution.Submitted by shevonsavidhu14 on
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task achievement
You should strive to fully address all aspects of the task, including both sides of the argument if the prompt requires it. In your essay, you discussed primarily the negative aspects without fully exploring potential positive development aspects. Aim for a more balanced discussion or justify why only one side is presented.
coherence cohesion
For a higher coherence and cohesion score, ensure you have a logical ordering of ideas and paragraphs. This essay's structure could be enhanced by using more varied linking words and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument seamlessly.
introduction conclusion
Make sure your introduction sets up the topic clearly and that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed. Both of these were present but could be improved in clarity and direct response to the question posed, enhancing the overall structure and effectiveness of the essay.
supported main points
To support your main points more convincingly, you should include a broader range of examples and evidence. While you provided some examples, they could be further developed, and additional evidence would strengthen your argument. Also, consider the use of data, studies, or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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