Some people say that parents should decide on what kind of medical care their children should receive, while others believe that this is the state’s responsibility Discuss both views and give your opinion
With growing consideration
on
Change preposition
of
children
's health
from both parents
and government
, the discussion that who has Correct article usage
the government
right
to decide Correct article usage
the right
children
's medical care
has been aroused. Some argues
that it is Change the verb form
argue
parents
' responsibility
to make decisions on what medical care
their children
receive. In constrast
, others say that it is Correct your spelling
contrast
state's
duty. Correct article usage
the state's
This
essay will address both views and present my opinion on the issue.
On the one hand, some people believe that deciding on what medical treatment thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
will receive is parents'
Correct article usage
the parents'
responsibility
as the first duty of parents
is caring their
Change preposition
for their
children
, as well as
parents
know better about their health
condition than the state
does. The State
cannot know all the children
's health
status, nor cover all the health
treatment
. Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
Parents
can recognize their children
's health
problem
quicklyFix the agreement mistake
problems
,
so Remove the comma
apply
that
they have Correct word choice
apply
right
and Correct article usage
the right
responsibility
to choose what medical treatment their children
will take.
On the other hand
, others argue that parents
may make wrong decision
about their Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
children
's medical issues since they are not an
Correct article usage
apply
expert
. Fix the agreement mistake
experts
Moreover
, finance
status of each household varies, so Replace the word
the financial
that
some Correct word choice
apply
parents
cannot afford to
their Change preposition
apply
children
's medical expenses. Therefore
, the state
has responsibility
to operate medical Add an article
the responsibility
a responsibility
care
schemes for children
with an expert's view, as well as
to secure the same level of medical services to all children
.
To sum up
, there is one view that parents
should determine their children
's medical care
plans because they can care
best to
their Change preposition
for
children
, and the other's
that it is the Correct your spelling
other is
state
's responsibility
since the state
can provide an expert's view and equity to all children
. I agree with the latter statement that the state
should have right
to decide Correct article usage
the right
children's
medical Change preposition
on children's
care
. With Correct article usage
the goverment's
goverment's
appropriate interventions, I believe more Correct your spelling
government's
children
have right
medical time at Correct article usage
the right
right
time.Correct article usage
the right
Submitted by ywb516 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear, logical structure. Your essay should flow in a logical manner from one idea to the next, with clear connections between your points.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state the essay's main points and opinion. Your introduction and conclusion were present but could be refined to more effectively outline your arguments and your stance.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear, specific examples. While you presented arguments for both viewpoints, the use of specific examples to support these points was limited and could be enhanced to strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Your response should answer all aspects of the prompt in a balanced way, including a clear opinion.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas comprehensively. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea with thorough explanation. Some ideas were reported but not sufficiently developed or explained.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to support your points. Your essay would benefit from the inclusion of more concrete examples or data to back up your assertions and to convincingly illustrate your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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