IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today the sales of popular consumer good reflects the power of adverting and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#sales #consumer #power #society
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With the advancement of
the
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apply
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technology
Add a comma
technology,
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 most retailers follow
up
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apply
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various kinds of techniques to attract
the
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apply
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people
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 in the community to buy their
products
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.
Althought
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Although
people
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 do not have any use of the product ,they tend to buy the
items
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due to
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 the description ,attractiveness and the person that acts in the advertisement.I
totaly
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totally
 agree
to
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with
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 the notion that in
current
Add an article
the current
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 world ,
people
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 most often buy the
items
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 which
attracts
Change the verb form
attract
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 their minds and not the things that
usually
Add a missing verb
are usually
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 what they need in daily life.
To begin
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 with ,
current
Add an article
the current
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 generation most often thinks of their outer appearance rather than their
comfortness
Correct your spelling
comforts
 and their needs,
hence
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whenenver
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whenever
 they
found
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find
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 something
that is
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 very much interesting that found via
online
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an online
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 platform add or any other media which brings an outstanding description
while
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 they are presenting ,they tend to buy those
products
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.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 we can take fancy
items
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 like rings ,necklaces ,
earings
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earrings
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 cosmetic
products
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 and
make up
Add a hyphen
make-up
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items
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 which
sells
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sell
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 via online platforms like
aliexpress
Change the capitalization
Aliexpress
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,most teenagers buy those
items
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 ,as they are presenting
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in an
attracive
Correct your spelling
attractive
way
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.
This
Linking Words
 clearly
depics
Correct your spelling
depicts
depict
 that as always the
way
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 of advertising reflects the sales of the
products
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the older generation always thinking of saving money and
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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products
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on
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at
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 low prices and even they
are bargaining
Wrong verb form
bargain
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 when buying even small things,
hence
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 the
people
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 who notice that always targeting them and
advertise
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advertising
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items
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 by putting
Change preposition
up banner
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banner
Fix the agreement mistake
banners
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 like stock clearance
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sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 on several special days like
christmas
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Christmas
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,Black Friday and New year eve which will always catch their eyes.In these situations
people
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 purchase
items
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 on
sale
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eventhought
Correct your spelling
even thought
even though
 they are not usable and not a real need.For example most popular selling
items
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 like
furnitures
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furniture
types of furniture
pieces of furniture
items of furniture
show examples
,
people
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 tend to buy them when they are on
sale
Use synonyms
eventhought
Correct your spelling
even though
even thought
 they have already
couple
Change the article
a couple
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 of
same
Correct article usage
the same
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items
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 in the house and
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at
Change preposition
in
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 the end
people
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 do not know they have undergone
to
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apply
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the trick of the sellers. In conclusion ,as always younger generation tends to buy fancy
items
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 which can
be buy
Change the verb form
be bought
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 via e-platforms and it clearly
bringout
Correct your spelling
brings
 the fact that the
way
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 of advertising
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
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the
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apply
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people
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 and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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the
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apply
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sales.
Further
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 ,most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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individuals tend to buy
on
Add a hyphen
on-sale
show examples
sale
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
 and it is
also
Linking Words
 a trick
use
Change the form of the verb
used
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 by sellers to attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 to make massive profits.It
showcase
Change the verb form
showcases
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 that ,
eventhought
Correct your spelling
even though
even thought
 the fancy itmes and furniture
items
Use synonyms
 are not the real need of the community they tend to buy those
items
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the strong
way
Use synonyms
 of presenting
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by shevonsavidhu14 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use transitions to show the connections between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should have a main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure that these supporting details are clearly connected to the main point of the paragraph.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Give a balanced argument and provide specific examples to support your points. Make sure your opinion is clear throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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