Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Information and communication technology has changed rapidly over the past 20 years, with a key development being the emergence of social
media
. It plays a role enhancing
and improving people's social lives. Change preposition
in enhancing
however
, social media
overuse also
hidden
various risks to their mental health and communication. I will analyze Wrong verb form
hides
this
issue from my personal perspective.
It is true that social media
allow users to accesss
rapid information retrieval, enabling them to easily grasp the fastest Correct your spelling
access
fluctuate
in the world. Replace the word
fluctuation
Moreover
, for introvert
Replace the word
introverted
individuals
or those with social anxiety, this
is indeed a wonderful opportunity to share their stories without the need to
face-to-face interactions dramatically. Change preposition
for
In addition
, Online Business Models in platforms such
as TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram has
become a fantastic opportunity to earn additional income, Correct subject-verb agreement
have
enhance
and improve people's social lives. Correct word choice
and enhance
For example
, as of 2023, Facebook is the largest social media
platform globally with 3.03 billion monthly active users worldwide and more than 200 million small businesses around the world using Facebook’s tools. Consequently
, it's a potential market where individuals
who leverage and innovate can seize opportunities for themselves.
Certainly, it's important not to overlook the dark side of using social media
. Platforms incessantly refresh their content, coupled with
highly attractive trends, leads the younger generation to be glued to social media
. Furthermore
, the AI technologies continuous
Change the word
continuously
that
recognize topics users find interesting, providing tailored suggestions based on their preferences. The outcome is the phenomenon of social Correct pronoun usage
apply
media
addiction, a damaging effect on mental health. Gradually, these individuals
may experience a gradual erosion of personal relationships and an increased propensity to live in a digital bubble. Relationships are no longer proximity and closeness like physical interaction.
In conclusion, social media
provides us with numerous opportunities to expand knowledge
, enhance Correct pronoun usage
our knowledge
thinking
, and interact with people from different countries regardless of physical proximity. It offers the chance to create new income sources for Correct pronoun usage
our thinking
individuals
. However
, it also
distances human relationships, isolated from society, and lacks profound interaction. Therefore
, while
social media
can make individuals
more sociable, it also
lead
to Change the verb form
leads
loss
of important values in life. Correct article usage
the loss
Hence
, it is essential to be a discernment and purpose social media
user, cultivate
a society that not only connects Correct word choice
and cultivate
individuals
but also
upholds the value of meaningful, real-world interactions.Submitted by hidden on
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Coherence and Cohesion
There is an apparent effort to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother, with better signposting to guide the reader through the argument.
Task Achievement
The response to the task given shows an understanding of the main points, though the depth of ideas could be improved. Ensure that the arguments presented directly address the question at hand, with more specific examples provided to support claims.
