IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. How far do you agree or disagree?

#people #computer #skills #subjects #school #math
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It is thought by many people that
computer
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skills
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 need to be added to primary lessons in elementary school, starting with reading, writing and mathematics.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 statement since it leads to a disadvantage for
students
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. Nowadays, the major in college is mainly dominated by Artificial Intelligence (AI) and
computer
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 science because
computer
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skills
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 are needed since the development of technology begins to grow faster.
As a result
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,
students
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 need to adapt to
this
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 situation where
computer
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skills
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 should be added to the main subjects.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 could be an excellent opportunity for them in the future to get better careers.
For instance
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, in America, the majority of companies prefer to find fresh graduates that graduate from the
computer
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 department.
On the other hand
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, it is known that
computer
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skills
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 are challenging subjects because they contain a lot of data and calculations
such
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 as mathematics. Their main activities at a young age are playing and relaxing, if it is taken by them, they might get very stressed about it. To illustrate, research shows that parents tend to ask their teenagers to open their books and take notes rather than go out.
As a consequence
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, many of the
students
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 start to feel
stress
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stressed
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 and get less concentration
at
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in
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 a class
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 causes them to often get bad scores.
In other words
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, adults need to pay attention to the situations of the
students
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. In conclusion,
although
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computer
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 subjects might help
students
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to
Verb problem
apply
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enhance their abilities,
the
Change the word
their
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 conditions
of
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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need to be
thought
Verb problem
taught
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 carefully. It could result in the drawbacks for the
students
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.
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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. While an introduction and conclusion are present, they could better summarize and reflect the main points.
logical structure
Develop a clear logical structure to your essay. While some structure is present, transitions between ideas are not smooth, and paragraphs are somewhat disjointed.
supported main points
Support your main points with clear examples and explanations. Your examples could be more relevant and detailed, so they directly support your argument.
complete response
Aim to provide a response that fully addresses all parts of the task. Your essay only partially addresses the task prompt and does not fully develop a clear argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to express clear, comprehensive ideas throughout your essay. The ideas in the essay need to be more elaborated and clearly communicated.
relevant specific examples
Include relevant and specific examples to back up your points. The examples used in your essay are not specific or strong enough to adequately illustrate your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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