Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are best at or that they find the most interesting. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

In recent years, there

are

Wrong verb form

have been

show examples

numerous people who support teenagers to focus on the

subject

Use synonyms

that they find

interested

Replace the word

interesting

show examples

rather than concentrate on all

subjects

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some people believe learning all

subject

Use synonyms

can

broader

Replace the word

broaden

show examples

their knowledge and assist their

career

Use synonyms

in the future. I believe that

know

Wrong verb form

knowing

show examples

various

subjects

Use synonyms

can contribute to a wider understanding of the world and enrich their

career

Use synonyms

choices. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will examine all the relevant opinions based on factual premises. Focusing on a specific

subject

Use synonyms

allowing

Wrong verb form

allows

show examples

them to depth

knowledge

Change preposition

of knowledge

show examples

and

better

Correct article usage

a better

show examples

understanding

Change preposition

show examples

the particular

field

Use synonyms

Moreover

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

mastering a specific skill

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can lead to

became

Verb problem

apply

show examples

expertise and

acquire

Wrong verb form

acquiring

show examples

numerous opportunities.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they can save a lot of time and energy by

practicing

Change the spelling

practising

show examples

cetain

Correct your spelling

certain

subject

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, teenagers who want to become engineers,

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

focus on

to build

Change the verb form

building

show examples

its skill

Fix the agreement mistake

their skills

show examples

therefore

Linking Words

it can assist them to become masters in

this

Linking Words

field

Use synonyms

and get numerous chances in future in a short time.

Conversely

Linking Words

, being

Change the article

apply

show examples

well-rounded in education allows teenagers to explore various

Use synonyms

field

Fix the agreement mistake

fields

show examples

, which

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

broader

Replace the word

broaden

show examples

their knowledge about the world.

Furthermore

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

knowing

multi

Correct word choice

multiple

show examples

subjects

Use synonyms

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

in developing transferable

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

that might be

usefull

Correct your spelling

useful

the

Change the word

show examples

future

career

Use synonyms

In addition

Linking Words

, it is of paramount importance for cognitive development by challenging the brain to work in different ways.

Besides

Linking Words

, it can accommodate

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

adolescent who still

tries finding

Wrong verb form

trying to find

show examples

their passion or talent. In conclusion, mastering

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a specific

field

Use synonyms

it is beneficial because it can help them align with

theoir

Correct your spelling

their

passion and

career

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, In my opinion,

conscious

Add a missing verb

being conscious

show examples

about

Change preposition

show examples

numerous

subjects

Use synonyms

can broaden their understanding significantly.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it can bring much more benefits rather than becoming

expert

Correct article usage

an expert

show examples

in a specific

field

Use synonyms

gladysdharmawan1994

Jan 3, 2024

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Introduction

Ensure that the introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument and your thesis statement. Avoid lengthy sentences and aim for clarity and conciseness.

Paragraph Development

Develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences that align with the central argument. Support each main point with specific examples and explanations.

Cohesion

Improve cohesion by better organizing ideas and using a range of cohesive devices that clearly signal relationships between ideas.

Task Response

For a higher score, provide a more balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion. Include clear, relevant examples to support each view.

Conclusion

In the conclusion, succinctly summarize the main points of discussion and reiterate your stance, ensuring it aligns with the arguments presented throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

well-rounded education
cognitive development
transferable skills
specialization
in-depth knowledge
expertise
motivation
learning outcomes
achieving excellence
reduce stress
career aspirations

What to do next:

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Some people think that the best way to resolve environmental problems is to increase fuel and vehicles’ prices. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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Weddings are getting bigger and more expensive. What is the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative developIments?

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