IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should follow their parents’ advice, however, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #parents’ #advice
While
 some people believe that offspring should follow their
parent
's
advice
, others argue that they have to be independent. I support the former view which I will explain in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, the people who advocate for
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
indpendency
Correct your spelling
independence
independency
 argue that it would help them to
develope decion making
Correct your spelling
develop decision-making
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. By allowing them to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 independent
decisons
Correct your spelling
decisions
, they will become successful in their future life.
In other words
, the
indipendent
Correct your spelling
independent
children
 are more efficient than the
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 who have
following
Wrong verb form
followed their
show examples
parent's
Fix the agreement mistake
parents'
show examples
advice
. For
exmaple
Correct your spelling
example
, a recent study in Germany indicated that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students without
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
 from
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 have developed more skills
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 with
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
 from
adult
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adults
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the
kids
 will not have
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 experience to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 complex
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crucial
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 would not be mature
to
Rephrase
enough to
show examples
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 complex
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 in their life
with
Change preposition
without
show examples
 out
parent's
Fix the agreement mistake
parents'
show examples
advice
.
Parents
 are accessible for their
kids
 to guide and provide
advice
 from their
broder
Correct your spelling
broader
prospective
Correct your spelling
perspective
show examples
 and experience. In short,
parents
 are responsible
to guide
Change preposition
for guiding
show examples
 their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 will be beneficial for them. For
exmple
Correct your spelling
example
, It is
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 that
Correct article usage
the offsprings
show examples
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 of single
parents
are suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 depression and
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 issues
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 living with both
parents
.
Furthermore
,
kids
Verb problem
apply
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
rely
show examples
relay
Correct your spelling
rely
show examples
 on
parents
 for their
finanicial
Correct your spelling
financial
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 including school expenses and buying personal things,
therefore
,
parents
 have the right to
Replace the word
advise
show examples
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 their
kids
. In conclusion, I believe that
parent
's
advice
 will be helpful for
children
 for personality
developement
Correct your spelling
development
.
Although
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 skill is an advantage of independent
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
,
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 experience and guidance will be vital for
children
's development.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay follows a clear and logical structure. Make each paragraph distinct, with a clear main idea and cohesive devices that help with the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be clear and directly address the question. It is crucial that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points made within the body of the essay without introducing entirely new information.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant and convincing examples and explanations. Each idea should be fully developed within the paragraph with evidence or a detailed explanation.
task achievement
When responding to the task, it is important to completely address all parts of the prompt. Develop your response to cover all aspects of the essay question, and make sure your opinion is clear throughout the essay, especially in the conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clear and easily understood. Work on articulating your points more comprehensively and avoid repetition. Ensure that your argument is not just stated but also fully explained and supported throughout the essay.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points. While hypotheticals are acceptable, real-world examples or statistics are more convincing and relevant in strengthening your arguments.
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