IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy with everything organized and in the correct place.

#people #home #workplace #place
Some societies argue that tidying up our home and workplace,
such
 as
organized
Wrong verb form
organising
show examples
 all goods and
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
 them in
exact
Add an article
the exact
an exact
show examples
 place, are important things. In my point of view, I totally agree with that statement because keeping tidy makes us more focused
while
 working.
Furthermore
, it can reduce our
stress
 and make us feel joyful.
Firstly
,
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
 working environment can help us to increase our efficiency and productivity during work. To make it comfortable, we need to maintain the cleanliness of our
room
 so that we can more focus.
For instance
, if our
room
 is so messy, it can disturb our mind and cannot focus on our job.
Hence
, keeping a tidy
room
 or workplace can help us to develop our ideas
while
 doing a job.
Secondly
, working for a few hours can make us feel exhausted and
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
. It will have a bad impact on our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
For example
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
keeping a tidy
room
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can reduce our
stress
 and make us feel
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
.
In addition
, when we put all goods in the right place and organized well, it will help us to boost our mood.
Finally
, we can degrees the
stress
 after a long time working and enhance our spirit. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up, I completely believe that keeping a tidy home or workplace with all goods organized and in the correct place are important things.
However
, it makes us focus
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and definitely enhances work results.
Besides
, it can reduce our
stress
 when we have worked several
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and that they effectively set out your argument and summarise your main ideas, respectively. The conclusion in your essay needs to be more developed.
logical structure
Organize your essay logically to improve its readability. Use paragraphs effectively, each presenting a clear main idea. Connect your ideas using a variety of cohesive devices. This will make your argument flow better and enhance coherence.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific, relevant examples. Avoid general statements and try to provide concrete evidence or scenarios that illustrate your point. More detailed development of ideas would make your argument stronger.
complete response
To fulfill the task response criteria, ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed fully. Expand on your ideas to show depth of thought and understanding of the topic. Use a wider range of vocabulary to express these ideas more precisely and differentiate between the points you make.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand on your ideas for a comprehensive response to the question. Develop each point with adequate explanation and justification to show a complete understanding of the subject matter.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples that directly relate to your main points to demonstrate the relevancy of your argument. These examples should be precise and detailed to add weight to your claims and give the reader tangible evidence of your viewpoints.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • organised
  • clutter-free
  • productivity
  • mental clarity
  • efficiency
  • professionalism
  • first impressions
  • ergonomics
  • aesthetically pleasing
  • compulsive neatness
  • functional space
  • minimising distractions
  • systematic arrangement
  • time management
  • work-life balance
  • streamline
  • feng shui
  • optimal performance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: