It has been suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#school #children #vegetables #animals #outweigh

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In recent years, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of individuals questioning whether the

adolscents

Correct your spelling

adolescents

adolescent

will demonstrate better leadership skills than the older generation.

While

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some may strongly disagree, I firmly believe that the youths have better skills in leading the companies than old

people

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. From my perspective,

this

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will not only facilitate the

collaberative

Correct your spelling

collaborative

work

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between employees, but

also

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they would use the

technology

Use synonyms

further

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invest in employees’ potential.

To begin

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, there is an argument to be made that young leaders can

acheive

Correct your spelling

achieve

overall

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understanding and unity between different

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

workers.

For example

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, two-thirds of the

new

Change the adjective

newly

show examples

elected politicians in Canada are below 40 years

, and

Correct word choice

old, and

show examples

they have shown an

overall

Linking Words

increased understanding

bertween

Correct your spelling

between

the

house

Capitalize word

House

show examples

common

Correct your spelling

commons

show examples

, which inevitably has reduced the arguments and increased unity in targeting

country’s

Correct article usage

the country’s

show examples

issues.

For

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this

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reason, it is evident that

younger

Correct article usage

the younger

show examples

generation will be able to handle any arguments

Change preposition

with

show examples

an innovative and open-minded mentality, which drives the

work

Use synonyms

community together to fix the issues and

work

Use synonyms

side-by-side. What is more,

younger

Add an article

the younger

show examples

generation

had

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

enormous history

exposure

Change preposition

of exposure

show examples

through their education and social media platforms,

thus

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they would implement new strategies that avoid

Correct article usage

the previous

show examples

mistakes of older generations.

This

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being the case, it can be assumed that if older

people

Use synonyms

continue leading the companies, no promising changes

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

be happening anytime soon.

In addition

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, it must be stated that

adolscents

Correct your spelling

adolescents

would integrate the

technology

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and the advanced

intellgence

Correct your spelling

intelligence

to build stronger platforms.

For instance

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, Toyota company has boosted its profit by 130% in the

last

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quarter of 2023, simply because they had a new young manager who rebuilt the system based on the customers’ needs to attract more buyers.

Therefore

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it is clear that

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youths will utilize the

privilage

Correct your spelling

privilege

of advanced

technology

Use synonyms

they have to

imrpove

Correct your spelling

improve

the

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

outcomes and boost the productivity of their employees.

Furthermore

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, young

people

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with the help of

technology

Use synonyms

can invent new ways to reduce the

overall

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burnout among workers by introducing a new application that monitors their activity and energy level and

give

Correct subject-verb agreement

gives

show examples

them breaks when needed, which inevitably would raise the quality of their

work

Use synonyms

. With

this

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in mind, there is no doubt that if the young

leads

Correct subject-verb agreement

lead

show examples

big organizations in

soceity

Correct your spelling

society

this

Linking Words

would

imrpove

Correct your spelling

improve

the integrity of

work

Use synonyms

and enhance the

work

Use synonyms

standards.

To conclude

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, the overwhelming evidence seems to suggest that young leaders have better skills in directing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

organizations than older

people

Use synonyms

and

this

Linking Words

is clearly depicted through their creative thinking and the new mentality they would bring into the

workfield

Correct your spelling

work field

Submitted by ototonji.ot on Wed Jan 03 2024

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task response

The essay does not address the given IELTS task, which required discussing the advantages and disadvantages of teaching primary school children to grow vegetables and keep animals. Instead, the essay discusses the leadership skills of young people versus the older generation. As an IELTS examiner, I must penalize the response for this off-topic submission. To improve, make sure you understand the topic completely before you start writing, and ensure all parts of your response relate directly to the task given.

coherence cohesion

The structure of the essay is somewhat unclear, as it does not include a distinctly marked introduction or conclusion. Both are essential components of a well-structured essay. Each paragraph should also focus on a single main idea and follow a logical progression. To improve your coherence and cohesion, begin with an introductory paragraph that presents the topic and clearly states your thesis. Then, organize your supporting paragraphs logically, and conclude with a paragraph that restates your position and summarizes the arguments presented.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

425 words

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It has been suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many believe that government surveillance and data collection badly affect individual privacy, but others think these are necessary for national security. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.[971]

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore,sport lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?