It has been suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of individuals questioning whether the
adolscents
will demonstrate better leadership skills than the older generation. Correct your spelling
adolescents
adolescent
While
some may strongly disagree, I firmly believe that the youths have better skills in leading the companies than old people
. From my perspective, this
will not only facilitate the collaberative
Correct your spelling
collaborative
work
between employees, but also
they would use the technology
to further
invest in employees’ potential.
To begin
, there is an argument to be made that young leaders can acheive
an Correct your spelling
achieve
overall
understanding and unity between different the
workers. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, two-thirds of the new
elected politicians in Canada are below 40 yearsChange the adjective
newly
, and
they have shown an Correct word choice
old, and
overall
increased understanding bertween
the Correct your spelling
between
house
of Capitalize word
House
common
, which inevitably has reduced the arguments and increased unity in targeting Correct your spelling
commons
country’s
issues. Correct article usage
the country’s
For
this
reason, it is evident that younger
generation will be able to handle any arguments Correct article usage
the younger
in
an innovative and open-minded mentality, which drives the Change preposition
with
work
community together to fix the issues and work
side-by-side. What is more, younger
generation Add an article
the younger
had
Wrong verb form
has
the
enormous history Correct article usage
an
exposure
through their education and social media platforms, Change preposition
of exposure
thus
they would implement new strategies that avoid previous
mistakes of older generations. Correct article usage
the previous
This
being the case, it can be assumed that if older people
continue leading the companies, no promising changes would
be happening anytime soon.
Wrong verb form
will
In addition
, it must be stated that adolscents
would integrate the Correct your spelling
adolescents
technology
and the advanced intellgence
to build stronger platforms. Correct your spelling
intelligence
For instance
, Toyota company has boosted its profit by 130% in the last
quarter of 2023, simply because they had a new young manager who rebuilt the system based on the customers’ needs to attract more buyers. Therefore
, it is clear that
youths will utilize the privilage
of advanced Correct your spelling
privilege
technology
they have to imrpove
the Correct your spelling
improve
economical
outcomes and boost the productivity of their employees. Replace the word
economic
Furthermore
, young people
with the help of technology
can invent new ways to reduce the overall
burnout among workers by introducing a new application that monitors their activity and energy level and give
them breaks when needed, which inevitably would raise the quality of their Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
work
. With this
in mind, there is no doubt that if the young leads
big organizations in Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
soceity
, Correct your spelling
society
this
would imrpove
the integrity of Correct your spelling
improve
work
and enhance the work
standards.
To conclude
, the overwhelming evidence seems to suggest that young leaders have better skills in directing the
organizations than older Correct article usage
apply
people
and this
is clearly depicted through their creative thinking and the new mentality they would bring into the workfield
.Correct your spelling
work field
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task response
The essay does not address the given IELTS task, which required discussing the advantages and disadvantages of teaching primary school children to grow vegetables and keep animals. Instead, the essay discusses the leadership skills of young people versus the older generation. As an IELTS examiner, I must penalize the response for this off-topic submission. To improve, make sure you understand the topic completely before you start writing, and ensure all parts of your response relate directly to the task given.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is somewhat unclear, as it does not include a distinctly marked introduction or conclusion. Both are essential components of a well-structured essay. Each paragraph should also focus on a single main idea and follow a logical progression. To improve your coherence and cohesion, begin with an introductory paragraph that presents the topic and clearly states your thesis. Then, organize your supporting paragraphs logically, and conclude with a paragraph that restates your position and summarizes the arguments presented.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...