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Band 4.5

the diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purpose. summarize the information, and make comparison.

the diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purpose. summarize the information, and make comparison.
The illustrations demonstrate how
cement
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 and concrete are produced in order to use them for building purposes.
Overall
Linking Words
,
cement
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 and concrete generations are a 7 stage, man-made,
lineer
Correct your spelling
linear
process
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 starting with limestone and clay
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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being added to produce
cement
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 and ending with concrete production. First of all, limestone and clay are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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added into a crusher machine to generate
powder
Add an article
a powder
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 of these raw
materials
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 and
this
Linking Words
 power is mixed in a mixer and conducted to a rotating heater for
heating
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the heating
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process
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. After the heating
process
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, the heated product is converted to
cement
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 with the help of a grinder and
then
Linking Words
 it is put into bags. Following that, four concrete
materials
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 are put into a concrete mixer to mix together. Gravel, small stones, is the major component of the mixture with half of the total raw
materials
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 and
this
Linking Words
followed
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is followed
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 by sand with 15% of the mixture. The remaining
materials
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,
cement
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 and water, are added with 15% and a tenth of the total raw
materials
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 respectively. After the mixing
process
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, concrete is produced as a final product.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement, process, materials with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 0 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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