IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas in whichever way they wish. There should be not government restriction on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

#artists #freedom #government #restriction
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Throughout human dramatic history,
artists
Use synonyms
 have had a substantial and senior role to play in the construction of individuals' outlooks about principal issues in societies.
This
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 impression has become more influential in
this
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 contemporary era when people have been surrounded by publicity stunts and media hype. The logic behind my mind is that
artists
Use synonyms
' activities must have been confined by some common sense and sensible regulations. In
this
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 essay,
this
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 notion will be extended and demonstrated. To embark on, some of these
artists
Use synonyms
 have not had an appropriate education in a tremendous variety of realms which, they have a burning desire to participate and contribute. To put it in another way, when an unconsult person articulates misinformation which,
associated
Add a missing verb
is associated
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 with a vital phenomenon, it can give rise to a misinterpretation among
comminutes
Fix the agreement mistake
comminute
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 articles and instil a deleterious outcome in people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Consequently
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,
artists
Use synonyms
 who have not had relevant studies ought to be curbed from interference in crucial scopes.
Not to mention
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, when an artist has been laid in the limelight of mass, unfortunately, they lose the normal cycle of their life and they have to do some extraordinary activities which,
backing
Wrong verb form
back
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 them up to be in the public eyes.
In other words
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, adolescents and youngsters who, strongly have been influenced by popular persons (who do not possess the distinguishability between acceptable and unpleasant deeds) might emulate these anomalous actions and may be confronted with detrimental effects. In conclusion, to crumble these kinds of unintentional consequences and preserve our youth from them, governments must cease the artist's activities and elaborately
surveilance
Correct your spelling
surveillance
 their accomplishments. All aforementioned standpoints
derive
Verb problem
lead
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 me to
concrete
Verb problem
apply
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infer that, entertainers must be halted from doing anything that, they wish and governments must surveillance their accomplishments. To my ways of thinking the prevalent and privileged actors should be in the service of flourishing their people with well-established and programmed approaches.
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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a recognizable structure with an introduction and conclusion, but transitions between ideas can be improved for better logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Main ideas are present but sometimes lack development; work on fully expanding and supporting each point.
task achievement
The response addresses the topic, but the position taken could be clearer and arguments more fully developed. Consider including more precise examples to underpin your arguments.
task achievement
Increase clarity by directly responding to the question and sustaining a consistent position throughout the essay. Avoid redundant and repetitive expressions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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