Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, the majority of young individuals tend to get into
university
which is the reason why there is more and more competition
. I strongly believe that it is a positive development
.
One of the reasons why I suppose that more and more competition
for getting into university
is a positive development
is the hard work. It is common knowledge that education
is vital and needless to say that without education
many people
will not be able to find a job or even if they do they will not be able to get promoted. And that is
the reason why young individuals want to study
at the university
. However
, many people
do not desire to work hard for getting
into Change preposition
to get
university
. And I reckon that competition
makes humans work really hard.
The other reason why I suppose that more and more competition
for getting into university
is a positive development
is the desire to study
at the university
. For instance
, many humans in my country want to pursue their high
Correct word choice
higher
education
at the university
because of the
society. In my country it is believed by some Correct article usage
apply
people
that if one does not want to study
at the university
that person is not smart, consequently
, many people
in my country want to enter to
the Change preposition
apply
university
whether they like it or not. In my opinion, competition
can be beneficial for them to realize that studying at the university
if they do not desire is not for them and instead
of
Change preposition
apply
them
individuals who really long to Correct pronoun usage
apply
study
at the university
can pursue high
Correct word choice
higher
education
at the university
.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that more and more competition
for getting into university
is a positive development
Submitted by tmargaryan2006 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a relatively well-structured argument with an introduction and a conclusion. However, it would benefit from a stronger thematic linkage between paragraphs, ensuring that each point logically flows to the next. Consider using more varied transitional phrases and topic sentences that clearly outline the main point of each paragraph.
task achievement
There is a clear overall response to the task, with some explanation of points. However, the argument can be expanded by providing more depth to each point. Ensure you fully develop your reasons with examples and explanations relevant to your claims. Use real-world instances or hypothetical situations to make your explanations richer and more convincing.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite