Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, the majority of young individuals tend to get into
university
which is the reason why there is more and more
competition
. I strongly believe that it is a positive
development
. One of the reasons why I suppose that more and more
competition
for getting into
university
is a positive
development
is the hard work. It is common knowledge that
education
is vital and needless to say that without
education
many
people
will not be able to find a job or even if they do they will not be able to get promoted. And
that is
the reason why young individuals want to
study
at the
university
.
However
, many
people
do not desire to work hard
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
into
university
. And I reckon that
competition
makes humans work really hard. The other reason why I suppose that more and more
competition
for getting into
university
is a positive
development
is the desire to
study
at the
university
.
For instance
, many humans in my country want to pursue their
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
education
at the
university
because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In my country it is believed by some
people
that if one does not want to
study
at the
university
that person is not smart,
consequently
, many
people
in my country want to enter
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
university
whether they like it or not. In my opinion,
competition
can be beneficial for them to realize that studying at the
university
if they do not desire is not for them and
instead
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
individuals who really long to
study
at the
university
can pursue
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
education
at the
university
. In conclusion, I strongly believe that more and more
competition
for getting into
university
is a positive
development
Submitted by tmargaryan2006 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay presents a relatively well-structured argument with an introduction and a conclusion. However, it would benefit from a stronger thematic linkage between paragraphs, ensuring that each point logically flows to the next. Consider using more varied transitional phrases and topic sentences that clearly outline the main point of each paragraph.
task achievement
There is a clear overall response to the task, with some explanation of points. However, the argument can be expanded by providing more depth to each point. Ensure you fully develop your reasons with examples and explanations relevant to your claims. Use real-world instances or hypothetical situations to make your explanations richer and more convincing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievements
  • foster
  • culture of excellence
  • merit-based system
  • dedicated
  • educational institutions
  • quality education
  • future workforce
  • stress and pressure
  • fierce competition
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • burnout
  • tertiary education
  • less privileged backgrounds
  • exacerbate
  • social inequality
  • drives innovation
  • programs and facilities
  • overemphasis
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • ethical judgment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: