Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

#competition #university #development

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Nowadays, the majority of young individuals tend to get into

university

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which is the reason why there is more and more

competition

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. I strongly believe that it is a positive

development

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. One of the reasons why I suppose that more and more

competition

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for getting into

university

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is a positive

development

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is the hard work. It is common knowledge that

education

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is vital and needless to say that without

education

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many

people

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will not be able to find a job or even if they do they will not be able to get promoted. And

that is

Linking Words

the reason why young individuals want to

study

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at the

university

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However

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, many

people

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do not desire to work hard

for getting

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to get

show examples

into

university

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. And I reckon that

competition

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makes humans work really hard. The other reason why I suppose that more and more

competition

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for getting into

university

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is a positive

development

Use synonyms

is the desire to

study

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at the

university

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For instance

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, many humans in my country want to pursue their

high

Correct word choice

higher

show examples

education

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at the

university

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because of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. In my country it is believed by some

people

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that if one does not want to

study

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at the

university

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that person is not smart,

consequently

Linking Words

, many

people

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in my country want to enter

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apply

show examples

the

university

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whether they like it or not. In my opinion,

competition

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can be beneficial for them to realize that studying at the

university

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if they do not desire is not for them and

instead

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

individuals who really long to

study

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at the

university

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can pursue

high

Correct word choice

higher

show examples

education

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at the

university

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. In conclusion, I strongly believe that more and more

competition

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for getting into

university

Use synonyms

is a positive

development

Use synonyms

Submitted by tmargaryan2006 on Thu Jan 04 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay presents a relatively well-structured argument with an introduction and a conclusion. However, it would benefit from a stronger thematic linkage between paragraphs, ensuring that each point logically flows to the next. Consider using more varied transitional phrases and topic sentences that clearly outline the main point of each paragraph.

task achievement

There is a clear overall response to the task, with some explanation of points. However, the argument can be expanded by providing more depth to each point. Ensure you fully develop your reasons with examples and explanations relevant to your claims. Use real-world instances or hypothetical situations to make your explanations richer and more convincing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

283 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

academic achievements
foster
culture of excellence
merit-based system
dedicated
educational institutions
quality education
future workforce
stress and pressure
fierce competition
mental health
anxiety
depression
burnout
tertiary education
less privileged backgrounds
exacerbate
social inequality
drives innovation
programs and facilities
overemphasis
creativity
critical thinking
ethical judgment

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Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Schools should teach children good behaviour and introduce ideas of "right" and "wrong". It should not only be left to parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?