IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Global warming is not caused by human activity. Changes in average temperatures throughout all climate zones are a normal phenomenon. Therefore, countries need not take any actions to combat global warming that would negatively impact their economies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#activity #changes #temperatures #climate #zones #phenomenon #countries #actions #combat #impact #economies
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Global warming is a phenomenon where the
temperature
 of the
earth
 rises beyond average. Many believe that global warming is a natural phenomenon
unsolveable
Correct your spelling
unsolvable
 to humans.
However
, I believe that human activities
also
has
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have
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 a major contribution
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the increasing
temperature
 of the
earth
. There are multiple factors that directly
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
this
 planet's
temperature
.
Firstly
, the CFC gases that people produce from their technology and transportation. These gases will eventually cause ozone depletion and block the sunlight from exiting the
earth's
Capitalize word
Earth's
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 atmosphere.
Secondly
, deforestation that has been done to create innovations will directly cause the
earth
 to be hotter.
This
 is because plants play a huge role
on
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in
show examples
 producing oxygen, with less oxygen around, the globe will seemingly become warmer. Global warming will cause many notorious
disaster
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disasters
show examples
 like the melting of the iceberg and extreme weather. Currently, our world has faced various issues caused by
this
 event. In some places, endless drought is happening and clean water
are
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is
show examples
 no longer accessible. There are
also
 multiple burning forest which causes air
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the nearby neighbourhood.
This
 contributes to the decreasing health of many human beings, creating
disease
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diseases
show examples
 like TBC and asthma. The increasing
temperature
 of the globe can be very deadly to humanity for the upcoming generation.
Therefore
, it is important to acknowledge the fact that even though nature plays a part in
this
 phenomenon, human activities
plays
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play
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 a bigger role.
Hence
, as
individiuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
, we must act
quick
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quickly
show examples
 and start a sustainable lifestyle in order to make sure that our future is not at stake.
Submitted by audiareina on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a limited logical structure, with loosely connected ideas. Improve by creating a more cohesive argument, ensuring each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Although you have included an introduction and conclusion, ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint, while your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and restates your stance.
coherence cohesion
While you provided main points, these need to be further developed with clear, specific examples that support your argument. Expand on your ideas and illustrate them with relevant details.
task achievement
You have partially completed the task and presented your ideas; however, your response could be more comprehensive by fully addressing both sides of the argument, followed by a clear explanation of your position.
task achievement
Your essay contains clear ideas, but they could be more comprehensively developed. Aim to elaborate on your views with comprehensive arguments and explore the implications in greater depth.
task achievement
While you have used some specific examples, such as the mention of CFC gases and deforestation, strive to consistently use detailed and relevant examples to reinforce each point you make.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global warming
  • Climate change
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Deforestation
  • Industrialization
  • Ecological balance
  • Innovation
  • Sustainable development
  • Biodiversity
  • International cooperation
  • Green jobs
  • Unprecedented rate
  • Extreme weather events
  • Renewable energy sources
  • Carbon footprint
  • Fossil fuels
  • Environmental policy
  • Climate mitigation
  • Eco-friendly technologies
  • Economic impacts
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