IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Equality between genders is a topic of concern in
this
Linking Words
 modern era. It is believed that
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
educational institutes should maintain a balance among men and women for admission.
However
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 concur with
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it will enhance the ability of competition.
Every one
Correct your spelling
Everyone
show examples
 has
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to compete, if
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
a proportion
show examples
 of genders
will remain
Wrong verb form
remains
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 the ability
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
competition
Replace the word
compete
show examples
 among students will be high. Studies
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 that
for example
Linking Words
, the percentage of high
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 in co-educational colleges is higher as compared to
boys
Change noun form
boys'
boy's
show examples
 or
girls
Change noun form
girls'
girl's
show examples
 colleges.
Thus
Linking Words
, it shows that
power
Correct article usage
the power
show examples
 to compete
escalate
Correct subject-verb agreement
escalates
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the nature of
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 is similar among generations.
For instance
Linking Words
, females and males are doing
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 jobs.
Such
Linking Words
 as a police officer, a truck driver ,and an
enginers
Correct your spelling
engineer
show examples
. If universities
accepts
Change the verb form
accept
show examples
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
 from both genders, it will
results
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
to shows
Change preposition
in showing
show examples
power
Add an article
the power
show examples
 of
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
 in every field.
Additionally
Linking Words
, girls are
also
Linking Words
 seen as
house wives
Correct your spelling
housewives
show examples
 from ancient
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. They
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 not given
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to study
from
Change preposition
since
show examples
 ancient
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
thats
Correct your spelling
which
 why people thought that
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a chance of
admmision
Correct your spelling
adoption
 for females in every aspect. They will get motivation to enter and
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 their abilities to manage work
as well as
Linking Words
 job. To illustrate, in
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
 countries, women and men are doing
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 kind of jobs and
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
 are seen
by
Change preposition
as
show examples
 managing their kids
as well as
Linking Words
 their employment. In conclusion, whether to accept
application
Correct article usage
an application
show examples
 on the
basic
Correct your spelling
basis
show examples
 of gender
eqaulity
Correct your spelling
equality
 or not is a debatable topic.
Hence
Linking Words
, I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that there must be equality to give
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to every gender in each field.
Thus
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the governent
show examples
governent
Correct your spelling
government
 should impose guidelines to finalise the rules in every educational place.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Despite your essay touching on the main topic, your argument lacks depth. To improve your task response score, ensure you fully develop your ideas and provide a balanced argument that covers different perspectives and relevant details. Back your points with clear, relevant examples and make sure all parts of the question are addressed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates basic logical structure, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs can be abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow your line of argument. To improve coherence and cohesion, work on smoother transitions between ideas, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon. Additionally, focus on the range and accuracy of your cohesive devices (for example, conjunctions, pronouns, and linking phrases).
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • social balance
  • affirmative action
  • gender imbalances
  • meritocracy
  • gender quotas
  • gender stereotypes
  • career segregation
  • demographic
  • inclusive
  • fluctuations
  • applicant numbers
  • cultural shifts
What to do next:
Look at other essays: