IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the age profilof tourist on backpacking holiday and the guided tours in New Zealand in 2005, and the pie chart gives the satisfaction rating of their stay. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makecomparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the age profilof tourist on backpacking holiday and the guided tours in New Zealand in 2005, and the pie chart gives the satisfaction rating of their stay. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makecomparisons where relevant.
The line graph depicts information about
radio
Use synonyms
 and television users in the United Kingdom in three months, from October to December 1992. The data in the graph is shown by the percentage of inhabitants in the UK from 4 years old during
TV
Use synonyms
 and
Radio
Use synonyms
 utilization in day and night
time
Use synonyms
. By and large, it is ubiquitous that the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 in the UK preferred to watch
TV
Use synonyms
 rather than listen to
Use synonyms
radio
Correct article usage
the radio
show examples
 during
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 period of
time
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the television audiences at the
time
Use synonyms
 increased from afternoon to evening. Turning to the data in the graph
showing
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 that the
preference
Replace the word
preferred
show examples
time
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 using
TV
Use synonyms
 and
radio
Use synonyms
is fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuates
fluctuated
show examples
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. In the early morning, from 1 AM to 5 AM,
people
Use synonyms
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 to watch
TV
Use synonyms
 calculating for a mere five
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, even though it
Change the verb form
does
did
show examples
not show a huge difference
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
Use synonyms
radio
Correct article usage
the radio
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, from 7 AM to 13 PM, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 listening to the
radio
Use synonyms
 increased dramatically, beating (surpassing) the
TV
Use synonyms
 percentage accounting for under a mere five
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 at 5 AM to 25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 at 9 AM.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, at 13 PM, the presentation of
people
Use synonyms
 watching
TV
Use synonyms
 started to rise from 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
then
Linking Words
 continued to increase until it peaked
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
 45
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 at 21 PM showing the highest presentation during the period of
time
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words radio, tv, time, people, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: