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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The table below gives information about salaries of secondary/high school teachers in five countries in 2009. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The table below gives information about salaries of secondary/high school teachers in five countries in 2009. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#information #salaries #school #teachers #five #countries #report #university #lecturer #summarise #features #comparisons
The table
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 information about
salaries
Correct article usage
the salaries
show examples
 of secondary or high school
educators
 in various countries
such
 as
Australia
,Denmark,
Luxenbourg
Correct your spelling
Luxembourg
,Japan and Korea in 2009.
Overall
,
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
salary
 is the biggest
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Luxembourg
teachers
 and the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 is
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
educators
.
However
,after 15 years
teachers
 who live in Luxembourg are
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 in earning large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of money,
while
 in Korea
as well as
 in
Australia
 tutors
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
 exactly the same.
To begin
 with,Luxermbour
teachers
 have the highest
salary
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
begging
Correct your spelling
beginning
show examples
 of their work with its 80000 which is 35000 more compared with
educators
 earning in Denmark.With regard to Japanese and Korean
teachers
,their
salary
 is 34000 and 30000 respectively.
Lastly
,Australian tutors earn merely 2000 less than Korean
teachers
.
Nevertheless
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 statistics
Change preposition
for
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Change noun form
educators'
show examples
educators
Change noun form
educators'
educator's
show examples
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not the same after 15 years.Tutors from
Australia
 who have already 15 years
working
Change preposition
of working
show examples
 experience in the workplace earn 48000 which is the same with Korean
teachers
.In terms of
teachers
 from Denmark and Japan,their
salary
 is 54000 and 65000.
Finally
,Luxembourg
teachers
 earn 119000 which is 39000 more
comopared
Correct your spelling
compared
 with
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
salary
.
Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words educators, australia, salary, teachers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼

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