IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges relating not only to the environment, but population and education as well. What problems will your country face in the next ten years? How can these problems be overcome?

#minutes #countries #world #challenges #environment #population #education #country #face #ten #years
Nowadays, there is no doubt that there is a significant change in all areas like population, education and environment worldwide including in my country. The issues that the public can face in upcoming
years
 are overcrowding with fewer resources
as well as
 unemployment.
However
, these issues can be recovered by using suitable methods
such
 as family planning methods, and by making education compulsory. The following paragraphs will elucidate both stances in detail with lucid examples. To commence, the foremost issue will be overcrowding which means people are suffering from several health problems namely communicable diseases like COVID because of fewer resources and less space to live. In India,
for instance
, 20% of the people are dying
due to
 these transferring diseases like malaria and the number is increasing every day. Apart from that, there will be fewer resources in the upcoming
years
due to
 overcrowding.
According to
 the U.S.A., there will be scarcity
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not only for food items but
also
 for
living
Add an article
the living
a living
show examples
 field, if the government is not focusing on it now. On the other side,
this
 can be controlled by using proper techniques
such
 as
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
 the community about family planning practices and their benefits
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For example
, there should be some seminars on these practices in the urban
as well as
 countryside areas.
As a result
, there will be control of the population in the next few
years
.
Secondly
, the government should make education compulsory up to secondary schooling which will be helpful not
for
Rephrase
only for
show examples
 society but
also
 for nations. In India,
for instance
, the prime minister
introduces
Wrong verb form
introduced
show examples
 a program in which information is free
up
Change preposition
for up
show examples
 to 14
years
. In a nutshell, there is no doubt that the upcoming
years
 will be challenging in all areas
Submitted by buttargurpinder73 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay shows some level of organization but lacks a clear logical structure. It would benefit from clearer transitions and better paragraphing to guide the reader through the points made.
coherence cohesion
While the essay contains an introductory and concluding statement, they are not fully developed. The conclusion is cut off and does not properly summarize the main points or restate the importance of the topic.
task achievement
The essay includes some examples, but they are not always relevant or fully explained. You should provide more specific examples that accurately support the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but lacks detail and depth. To improve, you should fully address all parts of the task by expanding on how these problems can be overcome and providing clear recommendations.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are on the right track but lack clarity and comprehensiveness. To improve your task score, ensure that each paragraph presents a single, clear idea with well-developed explanations and arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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