IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the hour per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007

The bar chart below shows the hour per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007
#bar #hour #week #teenagers #activities #chester
The presented chart compares different types in terms of leisure time amongst teenagers in Chester during a period of 5
years
 between 2002 to 2007.
Overall
, it is noticeable that over the
years
 children’s
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
changed.
While
 watching television was by far the most popular
acitivity
Correct your spelling
activity
 between them, bowling was the least one. It is
cleas
Correct your spelling
clear
 that there is a great distance between watching television with others. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the figures, going to pubs/discos has increased in 6
years
 but the most change was
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2007 which reached around 18
hours
 from 8 in 2002.
Likewise
, shopping had a rising trend from
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 7 in 2002 to 15 in 2006 and
reamined
Correct your spelling
remained
 steady until 2007.
Moreover
,
although
 watching television had the highest rate among all interests with 25
hours
 per week in 2002 and 2003, it grew to its peak at about 38
hours
 in 2007.
On the other hand
,
it is clear that
 doing homework and sport witnessed a decrease from 13 to 7 and 10 to 2 respectively.
Whereas
 watching DVDs and playing bowling
flactuated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
fluctuate
 during these
years
, the rate of watching DVDs
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 to its start point around 10 and
bowing
Correct your spelling
bowling
show examples
 was less
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 5
hours
.
Submitted by mahrokh.alaei on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trends
  • compare and contrast
  • increase/decrease
  • time allocation
  • shifts in popularity
  • significant changes
  • cultural factors
  • technological advancements
  • social dynamics
  • implications
  • physical/mental health
  • social development
  • leisure activities
  • recreational
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • interaction
  • steadily
  • dramatically
  • marginally
  • consistently
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