IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

#plans #show #park #first
The maps display the layout of a public
park
 called Grange
Park
 when it
initially
 opened in 1920 and its current condition.
Overall
, the
park
 has been changed substantially, with some natural features replaced by modern facilities. In 1920, there were two entrances that were located opposite to each other,
whereas
 now a new
entrance
 is built and located on the right side of Eldon Street, with an underground car
park
. The fountain in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the
park
 was replaced with a
rose
garden
 and
seats
 on every side. From the Arnold Avenue
entrance
 on the left, the
rose
garden
, the pond for water plants, the glasshouse and the
seats
 gave way to a Cafe, a children's play area and a water feature. On the bottom left side of the Eldon Street
entrance
, the
rose
garden
 and the
seats
 were removed.
Further
 developments were on the bottom right of the Arnold Avenue
entrance
, where only the
rose
garden
 is left, and the
seats
 were removed,
also
, an Amphitheatre for concerts was constructed
instead
 of the stage for musicians.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Ensure that your introduction is paraphrased effectively from the task without adding additional information not presented in the original. Your introduction should set the context and purpose of the essay clearly.
Logical Structure
Develop a clear logical structure by organizing your ideas into paragraphs, each with a clear central topic. Make sure to use a range of cohesive devices accurately to link your ideas across the essay.
Conclusion
Include a conclusion to summarise the information provided and restate the main points. The conclusion is essential for rounding up the essay.
Task Achievement
To fully satisfy the task response criteria, ensure that you elaborate on all key features with sufficient detail. Each point should be clearly explained and supported by relevant examples or comparisons where appropriate.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of vocabulary to describe changes and comparisons. Include specific information such as the functions of new features or the significance of certain changes to provide a more comprehensive response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: