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Band 4

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has change because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationship people make? Has this become positive or negative development?

#people #change #technology #relationship #become #development
These days,
technology
 has changed the way societies interact with each other.
This
 change has created pros and cons for the growth of
technology
. In my point of view, I strongly believe that new
technologies
 have both positive and negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
.
Firstly
,
teknologi
Correct your spelling
technology
 has had an influence on
communication
 between
people
 around the world. We have to realize that nowadays
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
social media,
such
 as WhatsApp, Instagram become a big part of our lives. We can stay connected with our family,
relative
Fix the agreement mistake
relatives
show examples
, or friends no matter where they are.
For instance
, we have a friend in
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
. To keep
relationship
Correct article usage
a relationship
show examples
 with them, we can use various
fitur
Correct your spelling
filters
 on WhatsApp like voice
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
, video
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
 and so on.
Hence
, the existence of new
technologies
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
big
Change preposition
to big
show examples
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 in our daily lives.
For
Change preposition
Instead
show examples
instead
, the availability of new
communication
technology
 can
also
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 influence like discouraging real interaction.
For example
, a large number of young
people
 choose to make online
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 rather than talking with
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 in
real
Add an article
the real
show examples
 world.
Moreover
, they can stay at home for 24 hours without having
communication
 with
people
 in real life.
This
 case leads to
difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
show examples
 for them to interact with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
 in their environment.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 the growth of
communication
technology
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 the relationship of societies in real life. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up, I totally believe that the change of interaction by using
technologies
 has various
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 on society. New
technologies
 can become
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 influence and perhaps will be a challenge for us. By using
technology
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way, we can make sure that the impact on society is a good one.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear structure, including a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each body paragraph should contain one clear main idea and supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, and ensure there's a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Fully respond to all parts of the task and provide clear, relevant main ideas and arguments. Each viewpoint should be developed sufficiently, with examples where appropriate.
task achievement
Avoid spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'teknologi' instead of 'technology', and maintain formal language and tone throughout the essay. Avoid informal language and slang.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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