IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has change because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationship people make? Has this become positive or negative development?

#people #change #technology #relationship #become #development
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These days,
technology
Use synonyms
 has changed the way societies interact with each other.
This
Linking Words
 change has created pros and cons for the growth of
technology
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. In my point of view, I strongly believe that new
technologies
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 have both positive and negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
teknologi
Correct your spelling
technology
 has had an influence on
communication
Use synonyms
 between
people
Use synonyms
 around the world. We have to realize that nowadays
using
Verb problem
apply
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social media,
such
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 as WhatsApp, Instagram become a big part of our lives. We can stay connected with our family,
relative
Fix the agreement mistake
relatives
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, or friends no matter where they are.
For instance
Linking Words
, we have a friend in
other country
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another country
other countries
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. To keep
relationship
Correct article usage
a relationship
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 with them, we can use various
fitur
Correct your spelling
filters
 on WhatsApp like voice
call
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calls
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, video
call
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calls
show examples
 and so on.
Hence
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, the existence of new
technologies
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contribute
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contributes
show examples
big
Change preposition
to big
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change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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 in our daily lives.
For
Change preposition
Instead
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instead
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, the availability of new
communication
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technology
Use synonyms
 can
also
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has
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have
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 influence like discouraging real interaction.
For example
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, a large number of young
people
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 choose to make online
friend
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friends
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 rather than talking with
friend
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friends
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 in
real
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the real
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 world.
Moreover
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, they can stay at home for 24 hours without having
communication
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 with
people
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 in real life.
This
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 case leads to
difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
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 for them to interact with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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people
Use synonyms
 in their environment.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 the growth of
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
affect
Change the verb form
affects
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 the relationship of societies in real life. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up, I totally believe that the change of interaction by using
technologies
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 has various
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 on society. New
technologies
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 can become
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 influence and perhaps will be a challenge for us. By using
technology
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way, we can make sure that the impact on society is a good one.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear structure, including a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each body paragraph should contain one clear main idea and supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, and ensure there's a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Fully respond to all parts of the task and provide clear, relevant main ideas and arguments. Each viewpoint should be developed sufficiently, with examples where appropriate.
task achievement
Avoid spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'teknologi' instead of 'technology', and maintain formal language and tone throughout the essay. Avoid informal language and slang.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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