Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, It is argued by some individuals that
music
mainly serves as a way for human beings to reduce their stress
and anxiety
and I strongly agree with this
statement.
To begin
with, there is no denying the fact that nowadays many people
suffer from anxiety
because of work, study and so on. And nedless
to say, that listening to Correct your spelling
needless
endless
music
provides them an
opportunity to forget about all issues they face and relax. Add the preposition
with an
Consequently
, when humans face some challenges they listen to music
because it is a way for them to reduce their stress
and anxiety
. For
example
when I am Add a comma
example,
being
upset I listen to my favourite songs and it helps me to forget about my problems, relax, and be delighted. Listening to Unnecessary verb
apply
music
helps me to reduce my stress
and anxiety
.
Secondly
, due to
music
many Add a comma
music,
people
can make new friends
and acquaintances which will help them not to feel lonely, consequently
, they will not feel sad. Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
people
communicate with people
who have the same interests which means that if one knows that other
person Correct quantifier usage
another
have
the same taste Correct subject-verb agreement
has
of
Change preposition
in
music
they can interact and become friends
and without question
they will feel less lonely than they used to do which will lead them to reduce Add a comma
question,
stress
and anxiety
. For example
, one of my friends
used to be an introvert and she felt abandoned, however
, she met one person and she realized that they had the same taste of music
they communicated and become
best Wrong verb form
became
friends
and it helped her to reduce stress
and anxiety
.
In conclusion, some humans suppose that music
mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress
and anxiety
and I strongly agree with this
statement.Submitted by tmargaryan2006 on
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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the following sentences support that idea directly. Try to elaborate more on each point to fully develop your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to help your essay flow more naturally. While you have some good examples of conjunctions, you could improve by using more complex structures.
language
Correct grammatical errors and pay attention to verb tenses consistency, subject-verb agreement, and word choice to increase accuracy.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be enhanced by clearly stating the essay's thesis in the introduction and summarizing the main points more effectively in the conclusion.
language
Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, and ensure that sentences are well-constructed and varied in length and style.
task achievement
Specific examples are good, but try to include a wider variety of examples or evidence to support your points. This helps demonstrate a broad understanding of the topic.
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