IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, It is argued by some individuals that
music
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 mainly serves as a way for human beings to reduce their
stress
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 and
anxiety
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 and I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there is no denying the fact that nowadays many
people
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 suffer from
anxiety
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 because of work, study and so on. And
nedless
Correct your spelling
needless
endless
 to say, that listening to
music
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 provides them
an
Add the preposition
with an
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 opportunity to forget about all issues they face and relax.
Consequently
Linking Words
, when humans face some challenges they listen to
music
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 because it is a way for them to reduce their
stress
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 and
anxiety
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.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 when I am
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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upset I listen to my favourite songs and it helps me to forget about my problems, relax, and be delighted. Listening to
music
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 helps me to reduce my
stress
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 and
anxiety
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
music
Add a comma
music,
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 many
people
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 can make new
friends
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 and acquaintances which will help them not to feel lonely,
consequently
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, they will not feel sad.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
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people
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 communicate with
people
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 who have the same interests which means that if one knows that
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 person
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the same taste
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
music
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 they can interact and become
friends
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 and without
question
Add a comma
question,
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 they will feel less lonely than they used to do which will lead them to reduce
stress
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 and
anxiety
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.
For example
Linking Words
, one of my
friends
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 used to be an introvert and she felt abandoned,
however
Linking Words
, she met one person and she realized that they had the same taste of
music
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 they communicated and
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 best
friends
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 and it helped her to reduce
stress
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 and
anxiety
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. In conclusion, some humans suppose that
music
Use synonyms
 mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their
stress
Use synonyms
 and
anxiety
Use synonyms
 and I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the following sentences support that idea directly. Try to elaborate more on each point to fully develop your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to help your essay flow more naturally. While you have some good examples of conjunctions, you could improve by using more complex structures.
language
Correct grammatical errors and pay attention to verb tenses consistency, subject-verb agreement, and word choice to increase accuracy.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be enhanced by clearly stating the essay's thesis in the introduction and summarizing the main points more effectively in the conclusion.
language
Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, and ensure that sentences are well-constructed and varied in length and style.
task achievement
Specific examples are good, but try to include a wider variety of examples or evidence to support your points. This helps demonstrate a broad understanding of the topic.
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