Some think that teenagers should follow older people's rules. Others think that it is natural for them to challenge what older people say. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In the modern era, there have been some
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
whether
younger members of Change preposition
about whether
society
should obey the rules
their families adopt or challenge them. I think chellenging
those Correct your spelling
challenging
rules
would benefit the teenagers
a lot
. But they shouldn't do it a lot
and I'm going to explain why in the rest of this
essay.
On one hand, some people
believe a small fraction of challenging spirit can help teenagers
to enhance their skills and hone their knowledge. Firstly
, some rules
just limit youth
from discovering new things and curiosity is at its highest range in the youth
. Therefore
, they sometimes break the rules
and parents should take it easy to let their children grow. Secondly
, the most efficient way for people
to learn a new thing is to experience it and teenagers
are no exception. So, they can learn from their mistakes and not repeat them. Thirdly
, technology and society
grow far faster than before and some older people
consider the community as it was in their own youth
. Thus
, their regulations may seem boring to new generations and make it harder for young members of society
to adapt to the new environments afterwards. For example
, the average age in Italy is so high and there is a huge difference between the ages of children and their parents. Accordingly
, boring laws make most of these young people
depressed which is one of the most dangerous disorders.
On the other hand
, teenagers
need to be cared by
their families that have more knowledge and experience. Every mother and father have passed the Change preposition
for by
youth
period and are familiar with its crises and problems. Therefore
, with their help, their kids can be safe from a large array of dangers that threaten them. Particularly nowadays, this
care is more crucial. Because with
the progress of technology and the internet, there are more ways for villains to trick vulnerable Change preposition
of
teenagers
. In 2021, for example
, there was an app called "Blue Whale" that tricked a lot
of teenagers
to
suicide and unfortunately, a Change preposition
into
lot
of children whose their
families didn't take care of themCorrect pronoun usage
apply
,
lost their lives.
Remove the comma
apply
To conclude
, older people
of society
shouldn't adopt stringent laws for teenagers
to restrict their skills and emotional intelligence. Meanwhile, they should be highly cared to
be safe from criminals.Change preposition
for to
Submitted by yasinkooshki13866 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Despite a visible attempt to organize ideas, the logical structure of the essay is not consistently clear due to some disconnected ideas and lack of clear paragraphing. To improve, pay attention to organizing ideas into clear and logical paragraphs that support the central point of each section.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which is positive. However, the introduction could be enhanced by stating the topic more clearly, outlining the main points, and indicating your opinion in a more structured manner. The conclusion does a satisfactory job summing up the arguments but could be strengthened by more explicitly restating the opinion given in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are somewhat supported, but the support provided is insufficiently developed. To enhance this, it is important to expand on points with specific details, making connections to the thesis clearer and ensuring that each point directly relates back to answering the essay question. Include illustrations or examples to substantiate each main point.
task achievement
Your response indicates some understanding of the task. However, it includes irrelevant details and does not fully address all parts of the task. Ensure that you fully respond to all parts of the prompt and stay focused on the topic. Remove any content that does not directly relate to the prompt.
task achievement
The clear and comprehensive presentation of ideas is currently at a basic level. Improvement can be achieved by developing ideas more thoroughly, structuring them more clearly, and articulating them in a more sophisticated manner. Aim to use a wider range of grammatical constructions and vocabulary to convey your points more effectively.
task achievement
The use of examples is at a satisfactory level, but to raise the score, strive to integrate more detailed and directly relevant examples to the argument you are making. This will not only illustrate your points better but will also showcase your ability to relate theory to real-world situations.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.