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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years #summarise #features #comparisons
The given bar charts compare
frequency
Add an article
the frequency
show examples
 of different types of individuals in terms of education
beside
Replace the word
besides
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 the percentage of these people who
owe
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
 a computer from 2002 to 2010.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 over these 8 years, the number of educated people
in
Change preposition
at
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 different levels increased
as well as
 owning the computer. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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the chart which illustrates the education ratio, in both years, people with
post graduate
Add a hyphen
post-graduate
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qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
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 accounted for the greatest group at 80% in 2002 and 100% in 2010,
while
 no high school diploma
includes
Wrong verb form
included
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 the lowest part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society at about 15% and 45% in 2002 and 2010 respectively. It is noticeable that the trends throughout these 2 years were upward.
On the other hand
, it can be seen that the rate of
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 who
owe
Verb problem
owned
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 computer from 2002 to 2010
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gradually rose.
While
 in 2002, less
that
Correct word choice
than
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 60% of the society
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoyed
show examples
 PC,
this
figures
Fix the agreement mistake
figure
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 reached more than 70% in 2010.
Submitted by mahrokh.alaei on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consistent increase
  • growing reliance on technology
  • clear correlation
  • digital divide
  • notable growth
  • most pronounced disparity
  • gap reduced considerably
  • percentage growth
  • higher educational levels
  • educational groups
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