People continue to commit crime even after being punished for it . Why do you think this happens? How can crime be stopped?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Financial illiteracy used to be the biggest problem of my childhood. Though, my mother had an average salary and some bonuses from my father as

Remove the article

apply

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child support. Even though, my mom did not have enough financial knowledge to manage money effectively. I really did not have an idea what

Wrong verb form

was

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happening

due to

Linking Words

my young and silly mind. As a big brother to my sister and an assistant to my

mother

Add a comma

mother,

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I had to find a way to abandon

these paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle

Change the determiner

this paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle

these paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyles

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At the end

Linking Words

of 10th grade, I explored

new

Correct article usage

a new

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sphere with outrageous potential, web3.0.

This

Linking Words

field is about

Verb problem

apply

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speculating digital pictures that have value

among

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show examples

this

Linking Words

community. At the beginning of my way, I started taking courses

to start

Verb problem

apply

show examples

Linking Words

then

Correct word choice

and then

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day by day I made NFT

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apply

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a part of my daily routine and

Linking Words

consequently

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consequently,

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I started earning my livelihood.

However

Linking Words

, after 1 year,

during

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while

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working I spotted that very talented

artists

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who are constantly making high-quality NFTs went unnoticed by

community

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the community

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. At

this

Linking Words

point, I realized that I

want

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wanted

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to help them and started planning my own ecosystem, where

artists

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can

Wrong verb form

could

show examples

buy a place at my project and

then

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can

Wrong verb form

could

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send out their

creation

Fix the agreement mistake

creations

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to every volunteer every month,

moreover

Linking Words

, these NFTs can be sold in platforms

such

Linking Words

as magiceden.io, tensor.trade, coral.cube. So, everyone has their own profit, people can receive NFTs from

artists

Use synonyms

and can evaluate them,

Linking Words

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

sell them to get money,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

as a head of

this

Linking Words

project may receive money from

artists

Use synonyms

. Now, it is my dream to materialize

this

Linking Words

concept.

However

Linking Words

, to do it, I must study finances

Change preposition

to at

show examples

Correct your spelling

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academical

Replace the word

academic

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degree

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apply

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because

this

Linking Words

idea directly demands working with budget, controlling finances may avoid some big budget spaces in the lifecycle of

this

Linking Words

project.

Submitted by dnm.best on Fri Jan 05 2024

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introduction conclusion present

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that relate directly to the given topic and question. It is important to address the question directly, providing a clear thesis statement in the introduction and summarizing main points in the conclusion.

logical structure

There is an evident lack of logical structure in the essay. It digresses significantly from the topic and does not develop a coherent argument related to the causes of recurrent criminal behavior and ways to prevent it. Make sure to plan your essay with a clear progression of ideas, sticking to the topic throughout.

supported main points

While the narrative provides some examples from personal experience, they do not support the main points in addressing the question of why crime continues and how it can be stopped. Focus on using relevant and specific examples that clearly illustrate and support the main ideas related to the essay question.

complete response

The response does not adequately address the prompt, as the content does not relate to the reasons behind the persistence of crime or possible solutions. Ensure that all paragraphs are focused on answering the question posed and that all points made are relevant to the topic.

clear comprehensive ideas

Ideas presented in the essay are somewhat clear, but they are not developed comprehensively as they do not relate to the given topic. Develop a clear outline that addresses the topic and use paragraphs to lay out arguments and ideas systematically.

relevant specific examples

Specific examples should be used to underpin your arguments about crime persistence and prevention. The examples given are not relevant to the question. Always choose examples that reinforce your arguments directly in the context of the essay's topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

2 paragraphs

294 words

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People continue to commit crime even after being punished for it . Why do you think this happens? How can crime be stopped?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st century, and sea levels continue to rise at alarming rate. What problems are associated with this, and what are some possible solutions?

In many countries, a financial crime involving identity theft is increasing. What are the causes of this trend, and what effects does it identity theft has on the victims involved?

With all the problems in the world today, spending money on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other causes. To what extent do you agree with this view?