Some people say part time jobs are useful for full time students because they not only earn money but also gain career experience Do you agree or disagree?

We live in an age when many of us claim that
students
who
work
as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-timer
Fix the agreement mistake
part-timers
show examples
is beneficial
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
due to
the experience they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
or the money earned. From my point of view, I could not agree more with
this
statement. I believe there are a bunch of opportunities out there to gain
students
' capability to face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full-time careers in the future. I oppose the view and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, there is no denying that teenagers nowadays have a job in order to get the benefits from the job.
For example
, the salary
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
paid
Add a missing verb
is paid
show examples
daily or weekly or even monthly, and life lessons, in
this
case, without our
considerations
Replace the word
considering
show examples
why young people do
this
is
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to minimize the financial burden on
students
' families.
Also
, to strengthen
self independence
Add a hyphen
self-independence
show examples
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
young age.
Moreover
, part-time employment teaches
students
valuable life
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
such
as time management, responsibility, and teamwork.
By
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
incident,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
slowly attaches the behaviours to
pupils
Change noun form
pupils'
pupil's
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
and keeps being disciplined.
Furthermore
, balancing
work
and study may lead to improved organizational skills and better
prepared
Replace the word
preparation
show examples
for post-graduation
work
.
In addition
, pupils would be more prepared to have real full-time jobs. It is worth noting that through part-time
work
, scholars can gain career-related experiences that enhance their resumes or CVs and make them more competitive in the job market so
this
will be easier to get one. To draw the conclusion,
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
a
half time
Add a hyphen
half-time
show examples
career at a young age
while
studying at the same moment
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
tons of
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
to life. What is more, it
also
trains scholars to be more capable
to have
Change preposition
of having
show examples
advanced occupations.
Submitted by syifensaft on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be logically connected to others.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more fully with detailed explanations and relevant examples. Avoid repeating the same ideas and ensure that each paragraph builds upon the last to create a cohesive argument.
task achievement
Provide a balanced view if the question asks for it, and ensure you address all parts of the task. Make sure to answer the question directly and maintain relevance throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to create coherence between sentences and paragraphs. Be cautious of overusing them, as this can lead to a mechanical feeling, which detracts from the natural flow of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial independence
  • alleviates
  • academic knowledge
  • real-world settings
  • responsibility
  • teamwork
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • career-related experiences
  • competitive
  • job market
  • academic performance
  • burnout
  • educational neglect
  • part-time employment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: