Films and computers games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
modern era, with the advancement of technology
people have abilities to make various kinds of Add a comma
technology,
movies
and video games
. The subject of a lot of these films are contained
violence, which Wrong verb form
contains
have
many fans Change the verb form
has
between
humans. Change preposition
among
While
a group of people believe they have many negative impacts on families, and
banning them is better. Others think they just can disturb humans’ relaxing time. In Correct word choice
apply
this
essay, I will discuss these opposing attitudes and give my own opinion.
Regarding second
view, lots of people watch these Change the article
the second
movies
and play these games
in their spare time, which is really satisfying for them. They could be like a hobby for them, and give them sense
of excitement. Add an article
a sense
In other words
, this
genre is their favorite
object. Change the spelling
favourite
In addition
, some of these movies
teach them how they can behave in the same situation, if they are in a horrifying circumstance, for example
, when someone wants to steal their smartphones even themselves, moreover
, they realize, what is real life, in fact
life does not always treat them kindly, and friendly.
Turning to possible problems, these different Add the comma(s)
fact,
movies
and computer
might increase disturbance between youngsters Fix the agreement mistake
computers
even
adults, and may lead to some battles. To put it differently, juveniles may use these Correct word choice
and even
behaviors
in their personal lives. Change the spelling
behaviours
Additionally
, children might imitate these kinds of violence without understanding, and it could have a lot of negative effects on their future lives. Personally, I disagree with the banning of these games
and shows, due to
society have
the power to choose, which Correct subject-verb agreement
has
that
they should see, and which not. Correct word choice
apply
For instance
, they can limit their children, so that they do not see.
In conclusion, it seems to me, that it would be wrong to ban these entertainments, and it is necessary for families to set some rules about watching and playing these films, and games
.Submitted by zahra.hmt88 on
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Introduction
The essay lacks a clear introduction that explicitly states what the discussion will be about. Ensure that the introduction briefly outlines both views and provides a clear thesis statement expressing your opinion.
Logical Structure
Review the structure of a good argumentative essay. Present arguments for one view, followed by arguments against it, and then provide a paragraph with your opinion before the conclusion.
Coherence
Make sure that you use cohesive devices appropriately to ensure a smooth flow of ideas throughout the essay. Avoid abrupt jumps between ideas.
Comprehensive Ideas
The essay requires a clear and concise expression of ideas. Aim for precision in language and avoid convoluted sentences that could confuse the reader.
Examples
While discussing both views, specify the groups of people who hold these views to clarify the argument. Additionally, present unique examples to illustrate the points made, rather than hypothetical scenarios.
