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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Smartphones
 are used by some kids for more than an hour every single day. It is a negative
development
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 they will lack of social life. But, with good management, it can give a positive
development
 because technology helps them easy to study. The frequent use of
smartphones
 can make
children
 lose their time to do their social activities with their family or friends. It will cause them to inappropriately manage their emotional intelligence. The data shows that
children
 in
this
 generation who are born when the
development
 of technology crazy increases are different from
children
 in the previous generation. Kids right now are more unpolite and easily angry.
But
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
On the other hand
,
smartphones
 have many good features that help
children
 learn new things. Now, social media like YouTube is easily accessible and gives lots of useful information.
For example
,
children
 can learn about new cultures from other countries by watching educational videos on YouTube. So, no more cost for parents or schools to introduce another culture. But, in
this
 case, we need the interventions from parents to strictly give limited time for their
children
 to access their
smartphones
.
To sum up
, the use of
smartphones
 for kids will have a negative
development
 when there is no limited time access. But, it will give a positive
development
 if we apply it. Parents have a crucial job of managing
this
 thing so that the
children
 still can easily learn new things but
also
 they can still maintain their social life.
Submitted by dyahkusumaningrum18 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position on it. Avoid ambiguity and general statements.
logical structure
Work on developing clear logical sequences between your ideas. Use cohesive devices effectively to make your argument easy to follow.
supported main points
Provide concrete examples and clear explanations to support your main points. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more persuasive.
complete response
Address all parts of the task equally. Make sure that you explain the reasons for the situation and discuss both the positive and negative developments thoroughly.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas fully to avoid vague statements. Ensure that each paragraph has one clear central idea that is expanded upon.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples to support your points. The examples should be detailed enough to illustrate the argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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