IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the banefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

#tourists #places #conditions #sahara #desert #antarctic #banefits #visit
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Nowadays more people decide to visit places with difficult situations, warm deserts or lands covered by ice, as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a tourist
tourists
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tourists
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 letter argues the advantages of these
kinds
Use synonyms
 of
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
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on
Change preposition
apply
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tourists
Use synonyms
 for, before turning to
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
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. I believe the positive aspects outweigh the negative ones. In today's fast-paced world, more folks are able to make priceless travels to less common lands which have hard situations for humans.
This
Linking Words
 people are managed to gain pleasure from breath-taking beauties all over the world.
Moreover
Linking Words
, each travel
bring
Change the verb form
brings
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 valuable experience for them.
For instance
Linking Words
, someone who is taking 14
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
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 walking trip from
east
Correct article usage
the east
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 to
west
Correct article usage
the west
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 side of the Lut desert in Iran,
find
Correct subject-verb agreement
finds
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his
Correct pronoun usage
himself
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 or
her self
Correct your spelling
herself
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 in different ways and with more self-confidence when
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 back home. Indeed, each travel, locations with difficult conditions
in particular
Linking Words
, would help each individual to know him or herself better and gain some unforgettable experiences.
However
Linking Words
, we should consider the feasible negative aspects of these
kinds
Use synonyms
 of trips
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
people who choose
this
Linking Words
 kind of sightseeing may face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
offensive gangs which usually use less common areas to hide or to do their crimes. Needless to say, a group of
tourists
Use synonyms
 may appear as an easy target to them.
Second,
Linking Words
these
kinds
Use synonyms
 of places are usually far away from civilisation and
also
Linking Words
 hospitals. In fact, injuries in these
kinds
Use synonyms
 of locations may
threat
Replace the word
threaten
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 visitors’ lives.
For example
Linking Words
, a simple laceration which causes lots of bleeding may
costs
Wrong verb form
cost
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Correct article usage
a tourist
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tourist
Change noun form
tourist's
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 life. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are some undeniable
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
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 for each individual in lands with difficult conditions, I believe the experience we can gain from these trips
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
 the negative aspects.
Submitted by ali on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression in your essay structure, with clear paragraphing and a balanced approach to both benefits and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning smoothly between ideas, providing clear topic sentences, and employing a variety of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion. Your introduction could more explicitly state the benefits and disadvantages to be discussed. Your conclusion could better summarize the discussed points and provide a more definitive personal stance.
task achievement
Address the prompt fully, providing equally developed arguments for both the benefits and disadvantages of tourists visiting challenging destinations.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are comprehensive and detailed. Expanding on the benefits and disadvantages will offer a more thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Incorporate more precise and varied examples to support your main points, which would make your arguments more compelling.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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