Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problem. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, several food and drink
products
include a huge amounts
of Correct the article-noun agreement
huge amounts
a huge amount
sugar
by-products
.It causes several significant health issues. Consuming much less sugary products
should support with increase in the cost
of the product. I totally agree with this
opinion because people don't know what they eat and many families especially poor families can not supply pricey goods.
The first thing that society isn't aware that they have unhealthy eating habits. Over-consumption of sugar
in diets causes many health problems such
as obesity, diabetes and heart diseases. Therefore
,if the government controls the cost
of products
increases,these people may benefit. For example
, obesity and diabetes are two major reasons why sugar
intake is a big issue. If the government raises the taxes on sugar
products
,the cost
of sugary foods
will affected,and ultimately consumption it decrease.
Others argue that eating consumption of carbohydrates has been growing for decades for poor families and it has become very hard nowadays to decrease. If checking the price of groceries and restaurants, it's obvious that the high content of sugary foodstuff is cheaper than healthy products
. For example
, several fast-food chains such
as Burger King's, KFC, and Mc Donald's advertise themselves with incredible campaigns on their sales to stimulate individuals eating habits. Thus
, the government should increase the price that society chooses healthy foods
instead
of foods
which have high levels of sugar
and additives.
In conclusion, authorities have to reduce the cost
of sugary products
because they affect people's eating habits and cause them to devour less unhealthy foods
. Therefore
,individuals are unaware their their bad diets because of cheap sugary products
.Submitted by diland701 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear logical structure, with several grammatical and coherence issues. Sentences and ideas are not smoothly connected or well-developed.
task achievement
You need to present your arguments more thoroughly, providing more specific examples and clearer explanations. Ensure every paragraph contains a clear main idea and fully supports your stance on the issue.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite